Birthday Prayer

Dear Lord

I’ll turn 36 in less than an hour. The birthday cake was cut yesterday, together with the girls and Di, in the comfort of our home. It was so sweet of Di to get YaYa a birthday cake in advance as well, so we had 2 different cakes for breakfast! Yummy!

And there was also the lunch and tea session with my pals last Saturday, and another lunch and tea session with my siblings on Wednesday. I thank You that I am indeed very blessed with so many loved ones around me, and I really have nothing more to ask for.

Reeling through the past year, I thank You for answering all my prayers. The list of answered prayers is too long to be posted here, so I thought I’d just share a few below:

• I asked for strength and courage to face challenges, as well as wisdom to discern situations, and You were there for me whenever I needed guidance, be it in school or at work.
• I asked You to prosper Di, and he did really well at work.
• I asked for favour upon the munchkins in the childcare centre, and they were well loved by their teachers, the staff and all their friends (including those from Playgroup and K2, which I just came to learn about recently). Thank You very much!

The coming year would still be a challenge to me as I continue to play the role of a wife, mother, daughter, sister, student, employee, employer, friend, etc. Family still, and will always, come first, and I also hope this coming year would be a year of spiritual breakthrough for my family. This is especially so for the children as I try to demonstrate to them the importance of loving You wholeheartedly. May You continue to be the head of this house hold.

In Jesus' name, amen.

And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. – Deuteronomy 6:5 (NKJV)

Imperfection

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. - James 1:17 (NKJV)

As I sit by in the munchkin's bed earlier, watching the 2 girls sleep peacefully, I started wondering if I had been a good mother to them. What can I do to make myself a better mother?

Through moments of quiet, self reflection, I wondered I was too hard on them (and myself) at times, despite constant reminders (to myself) to let them grow as kids ought to. Then it strike my mind that striving to become perfect is not even half as challenging as coming to terms with imperfection. And to my precious, dearest Lord, thank you for reminding me that the beauty of life lies in its imperfection. Thank you very much, once again!

Three Years Old

The munchkins turned three yesterday. Three!!! Wow! All it seemed to take was the blink of an eye and my sweetie pies are now preschoolers.

Looking back, I love having them as toddlers despite those difficult moments when communication was a major challenge. Now that we've overcome the "language barrier", I somehow missed their babbles and having to guess what they really wanted from their incoherent behaviour and seemingly meaningless speech fashion. Strange...

Nevertheless, their 3rd birthday was a memorable one to the munchkins, or so I believe. Their previous birthdays (only twice to be exact!) were all planned by me and there wasn't much involvement on their part except to be present during the party and cut the cakes. This time round was different. They started off the day with the family (aka Di, myself and Ya Ya) singing them a birthday song and a palm size birthday cake for each of them for breakfast. Its "tradition" that each of them should have their own birthday cake, even if its a small one, to remind us they are two separate individuals even though they are identicals. Gong Gong was sweet enough to purchase those cakes the night before (thanks, dad!). The girls left for school after that, looking forward to receiving their much bigger birthday cake and the afternoon tea party with their friends in the childcare centre.

By 3pm, Di, myself, Gong Gong and Teng (my sister) were outside the school gate while the teachers changed the girls into their "party" dress. Once we entered the school premise, we were greeted by a group of sleepy-heads (some looked as if they were still in dreamland after their nap). There, right in the front of a cubicle, was a wooden table with a Hello Kitty cake on it. En & Xuan were seated in front of the cake like princesses from the royal family. Kekeke...



Okay, side track a bit on the choice of the cake. About 3 months ago, I started asking what cake they would like to have for their birthday. And over the 3-month period, I gathered answers like Strawberry Shortcake, Princess Ariel, Snow White, Aurora, Belle, Hello Kitty, Little Einsteins, Pooh Bear, Dora, Mickey Mouse, Barbie Mariposa, Cars (aka Lightning McQueen), Tweety, blah blah blah... They were changing their minds every other day, so I decided to pick my personal favourite - yes, the kitty without a mouth or otherwise known as Hello Kitty or HK in short. Anyway, the munchkins kind of rekindled their love and interest for the kitty lately when Teng bought them each a HK candy house and HK doll house. San-yee even promised to buy them HK birthday presents from Sanrio Land on her holiday trip to Japan.

Back in the school, while the children were happily feasting on the cake, all the Playgroup kids had at least one portrait taken by Di. Di was amazed at how responsive the kids were and he was glad the children enjoyed having their photos taken by him. A plus point for the photographer! Then I was told to be prepared to bring a portion of the cake back home because I overestimated the size of the cake (I ordered a 3kg instead of 2kg). Surprisingly, most of the kids asked for a second helping and the entire cake was nearly gone in 30 minutes. Whew!!! I'm so comforted to know the kids love the cake.

En & Xuan received their birthday gifts from the teachers and friends before we left with them. We had coffee at the mall before leading them to Kiddy Palace. Both were so excited they were allowed to choose a gift of their choice. En chose a Cinderella top with matching skirt while Xuan opt for a layered, pastel coloured dress. They had another set of white skirts and a new "Barbie and The Three Musketeers" DVD as bonus gifts. All the gifts were paid for by Da-yee (thank you so much!!!). We then left the mall to fetch san-yee from RP and there, the girls received their loots from Sanrio Land wrapped in pretty HK packaging.

And guess what? Its not over yet.. . Xiao-yee is returning from Beijing this weekend, hence there will be another special delivery of birthday gifts next week. In addition, plans have been made to take the girls off school for 2 days so I can spend some time with them since I'm having my term break. So much for their birthday activities! No wonder they are so reluctant to return to school today... :p

Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease

The past 3 weeks had been extremely eventful. During my miserable 5-day study week and the following week where I had to sit for my last 5 examination papers, En and Xuan took turns to have viral fever. En later developed wheezing sound in the lungs and was ordered by the doctor to stay at home for a week. As a result, I had sleepless nights and stressful days while trying to cope with her condition, my revision as well as the examination.

When both the munchkins were finally back in school, I started my clinical posting. Just when I thought all was going well, I received a call from the childcare centre on a Friday afternoon about Xuan’s temperature again. She was brought home earlier and we didn’t find anything unusual about her, so we just provided symptomatic treatment when necessary.

Then the siren in my head went off 2 days later on a Sunday when I spotted one blister on her arm and one on her leg. She already had one near her lips on Friday and I thought it was just a normal blister (Note: the blisters were neither on her palms nor sole, just one each on her arm and leg). Still, Di and I decided to dig out that HFMD brochure given by the childcare centre earlier this year to have a second look. Nothing conclusive, Di thought.

However, while exchanging SMS with one of my classmates who is also a mother of two, she mentioned her kids once had HFMD with no symptoms at all except ulcers in the mouth. I decided to check Xuan’s oral cavity. There I found numerous angry looking red spots in her upper jaw area leading to the back of her mouth. To be doubly sure, I checked En’s and the same area in En’s mouth was perfectly, healthy pink looking. Viola! That’s it!!!

So we brought Xuan to the clinic and confirmed it was indeed HFMD. We were prepared to quarantine En at home despite knowing its best to isolate her from Xuan. Anyway, she could be carrying the virus already (the incubation period is known to be 3-5 days), we thought we’d just leave things to God. And God was prompt in confirming our prayer this time. By the following morning, En started to develop blisters on her arms and legs too.

We were thankful Xuan’s case was a mild one. A week had past and she had merely 4-5 blisters on her. She had low grade fever and was able to eat everything and anything. Poor En suffered a lot more. She had fever above 39 degrees, painful ulcers in her mouth hence unable to eat or drink (not even ice-cream) and painful blisters on her upper, lower limbs and groin region (only a few on the palm and sole). She was literally crying throughout the entire Tuesday.

Now that it’s all over, we’re more than happy to release them from their “imprisonment” as they are officially allowed to venture beyond the 4 walls of our home. Their patience was obviously wearing thinner as the days passed as we kept telling them they can only go out when the blisters are all gone. I told En on Saturday night “You can only go out if Dr. Lim says you can do so. We will go to his clinic tomorrow.” Immediately on Sunday morning, she woke up and told me “Mommy, today is Sunday. Dr. Lim said I can go out already.” But we have not even seen the doctor!!! Kekeke…

Well, it may have been a very challenging month for the family, but we certainly had grown closer after having to face one another within the 4 walls of this house day in and day out. Now, we look forward to an exciting month in September where En & Xuan are going to be the flower girls for my cousin, Kelyn’s, wedding. In October, the munchkins will celebrate their 3rd birthday. And for the first time in their life, they’ll be celebrating their birthday with their own friends in the childcare centre. Praise the Lord!

Imagination

I had the privilege of enjoying the life of a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) again starting from Wednesday last week. It is study week before my first exam paper this coming Friday. This short-live privilege had brought much joy to me thus far, and was a great stress reliever at times when I couldn't retain much of my revision materials.

Now, what makes this temporary SAHM status (versus being a full time home maker previously) more enjoyable is the munchkins' current development. Their ability to converse makes it challenging yet funfilled to spend time with them. And to top it up, their wild imagination, ability to infer and assume or whatever you want to call it, will either make you laugh or drive you insane.

Last Wednesday, when it was bedtime, the girls wanted to bring their favourite story books to their room, and I agreed. En picked ‘Sharks – Big Bigger Biggest’ while Xuan chose ‘The Three Billy-Goats Gruff’. After lights off, Xuan continue to “read” the book in the dark, and here’s how the conversation among the 3 of us went:

Mom: Xuan, put away the book. Nobody reads in the dark. You’ll spoil your eyes.

En: Mommy, cannot read in the dark, right? You’ll spoil your eyes.

Mom: Yes, you’re right. Xuan, you hear me? (Xuan ignored my request and continue reading.)

En: Xuan, cannot read in the dark! You’ll spoil your eyes!!! Like Lao Ma! (referring to my grandma who is also the munchkins’ great grandmother. She is visually impaired for the past decade.)

Xuan: Lao Ma is blind! Her eyes spoil. (Err... She seemed to respond to her sister better???)

Mom: Do you know who Lao Ma is? (I really wondered because they only get to meet great-grandma 3 to 4 times a year.)

En: Lao Ma took photo with Natasha at Da Yee’s house. (Okie, she got that right since she remembered the photo I took with my mobile phone).

Mom: Do you know why Lao Ma is blind?

En: Lao Ma read books in the dark when she is a baby, so her eyes spoil. A lot of blood come out!!! Then Lao Ma become blind…

I was totally speechless at the absurdness of the story, yet pretty amused by En’s imagination. The best part was - Xuan quickly put her book away and declared she is not going to read in the dark anymore. I had En to thank for that.

Just yesterday, Xuan decided to “make a call” using her toy mobile phone and ask me to greet the recipient (whom she decided would be my dad).

Xuan: Mommy, say “Hello, Gong Gong!”

Mom: Hello, Gong Gong!

Xuan: Okie, good.

Mom: Hello, Nai Nai! (I added a new "character" to the teleconversation.)

Xuan (protesting): No, not Nai Nai. Gong Gong is not with Nai Nai.

Mom: Why not? Perhaps they went shopping for toys together?

Xuan: No, Nai Nai go shopping with Ye Ye, not Gong Gong. Gong Gong go shopping on his own.

Mom: ??????

Sometimes, I wonder what goes though the tiny brains of my little ones. Do they speak more from their hearts or minds? What causes their logical thinking or wild imaginations? Have I, in any way, limited their ability to imagine beyond the impossible? I certainly hope not.

As I pondered these questions, I concluded that as certain as the sun rises from the east every morning, the beauty of life is not in knowing the who, what, when, where, why and how… It is in appreciating the who, what, when, where, why and how. I hope my children will embrace this beauty, and that I will demonstrate this virtue in my parenting journey.

Dear Lord, may you continue to bless my children and help me to “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” –Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV). Amen.

I will Survive

Today mark the start of the 14th week since I started my full time studies. The journey is extremely rewarding, but of course, I've had my fair share of ups and downs. I struggled with a few modules, like Psychology, Developmental Psychology and Sociology. As you can see, I'm not a very theoretical person, so dry subjects like these just doesn't work for me. On the other hand, nursing subjects (particulary skills related) and Anatomy & Physiology were more "exciting" modules for me and I believe I had done (and will do) well in these subjects.

Nevertheless, I must confess it is by the grace of God that I survived this far. Being a mother of two was supposed to be beneficial, in my course of studies, in the sense I had to manage my time pretty well in order to do my revision and prepare for tests/exams. However, weekends come and go with the munchkins demanding time and energy from me, and before I knew it, I'm always trying to "scan" my entire stack of lecture notes into my "pea brain" the night before my tests. Oops!!!

You know what? Each time before my test, I would say a little prayer "Dear Lord, I will survive... with your help!" And my little prayer whispered in desperation never failed to be answered by my gracious Lord. *Thank you, Jesus!*

Of course, the support from my family is another crucial factor. Di and Ya-Ya had been entertaining the girls during those trying times where my "CPU" had trouble appending data from my revision. *Thank you, my dears!". Its 3 more weeks before I get to clear all my exam papers. Thereafter, I will face a new set of challenges as I venture into the hospital to clock my clinical hours. I believe I will survive my clinical posting too (but not without God's help!).

Back home, I have to thank God for faithfully preserving the little ones as well as the adults. None had been feeble lately and the munchkins had developed so quickly, I couldn't believe my eyes and ears at times. En is extremely chatty and cheeky nowadays. She would sing, dance and make funny faces. The list of questions she'd ask at times amuses me too.

Xuan starts to reason a lot lately. She'd be explaining things and constructing her own rationale about certain situations, and I am so amazed by her vocabulary. Oh yes, both the munchkins have started to converse in Mandarin and that's really a plus point, especially to Gong-Gong. All thanks to the childcare centre teachers who made them recite Chinese poetry!

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My apologies for the abrupt end to this posting. Will try to update everyone again, in a week or two, I hope. Its time to go back to my lecture notes again. Ganbarimasu!!!

Praying for Children

Yesterday was my late mother's birthday. She would have been 57 this year. When I was thinking about her on my way to my morning lecture, I wondered what I would have been if she was a believer and a prayerful mother. Would my life be entirely different?

Then I asked myself what I could do for my children? Have I been a prayerful mother to the munchkins as well? Frankly, I am guilty... Extremely guilty. Then I chanced upon an article this morning which hit the nail right on its head, and I can't resist sharing it here. Below is an extract from thoughts about God.

Praying For Children
Lord, I prayed for this child, and You have granted me what I asked of You. 1 Samuel 1:27

The assignment to pray for our children is absolutely essential to raise up a generation that will withstand the enemy’s attack upon them (Gen. 22:17, Psa. 12 7:5).

These Scripture-based prayers are dedicated to this most important responsibility and privilege of a parent or grandparent.

Lord, what do You want for my children? Guide me by Your Spirit as I pray for my children according to Your will. I release them to You so that You can accomplish Your will for their lives. I will not try to live my life over through them. Keep me from binding them by my needs, wants, and ambitions for them. Get me out of Your way, so that You can work the life of Christ in them and give them Your best. Give me the grace to wait on You, for Your timing is perfect.

I pray that my children would:

1. Receive and love Jesus as their Savior
2. Commit their lives to make Jesus Lord and be filled with Your Spirit
3. Know the true and living God intimately and cherish and apply all Your names
4. Learn to pray and praise
5. Know who they are in Christ
6. Be protected from the evil one by the blood of Jesus
7. Receive the love of God the Father
8. Love the word of God
9. Learn to hate sin and love holiness, righteousness, and the fear of the Lord
10. Grow up into maturity in the Lord
11. Glorify God in their bodies as Your temple
12. Respect those in authority
13. Have healthy, edifying, satisfying, wise friendships
14. Know the truth and renew their minds in God’s Word
15. Walk wisely in the ways and wisdom of God
16. Have the joy of the Lord
17. Seek to please God, not self, and serve others
18. Learn who the enemy is and resist him victoriously
19. Maintain their first-love devotion to Jesus
20. Find the godly life partner that God is preparing, a mate who will complement them in their obedient walk with the Lord

Note: Details of all 20 prayer requests above are elaborated in the website.

I seriously think I have done well thus far in NOT trying to live my live over through En & Xuan, and I pray I will continue to keep this in mind as they grow older. It is also my wish that they will develop individuality and not conform themselves to standards of this world. My hope for them is they'll turn out to be wise children of a chosen generation, not Gen-X or Y as "pigeon-holed" by the modern society. But above and beyond the things mentioned, I ask the Lord to continuously guide me in raising En & Xuan in a manner He desires, and grant me the wisdom to manage them as they enter into the pre-school phase in the months ahead. Amen.

Have you been praying for your kids? If you haven't, then pray with me!

Changes

I'm starting to adjust better to my recent lifestyle changes, though still trying my best to balance family and academic life. Thank God He had been very faithful in providing for the family and my much needed brain capacity (there's so much to remember for BioScience!!!). Here are some pictures of my life in NYP:

Yours truly & the gang who makes academic life more interesting.























Our usual teabreak loot which is a must for some to boost their CPU (brain).












Though Di and I had missed out quite a fair bit in the munchkins' developmental journey of late (eg. their first visit to the Underwater World & Pink Dolphin Lagoon), we still try our best to make time for them on weekends or whenever possible. I really, really appreciate the help from all who had been faithfully & regularly helping to babysit the munchkins while I move on in life. May the Lord bless them richly!!!

Here's a pix of the munchkins on their way to school, taken a few days ago. Thank God for protecting them and keeping them healthy, just so I can study in peace and wake up in one piece everyday!

Over The Way

Life had never been the same again the day I stepped into NYP to pursue a diploma in nursing. The past one month had been tremendously enriching and challenging (both physically & mentally), but I enjoyed every bit of it to date. And I pray I will continue to feel this way in the years to come.

There are some moments that hasn't changed a fair bit though. The giggles and hysterical laughs we have while I'm home with the munchkins, as well as chaotic ones at times. Peaceful moments (like now) are also treasured ones considering the huge amount of information I had to absorb while revising my lecture notes, and to keep up with some of my personal commitments.

In times like these, apart from hymns, it is also comforting to listen to "liberating" songs like Over The Way (by Europa Huang). If you have not heard this songs, check out the beautiful lyrics below:

The sunshine’s come, the flowers dance along the river, the mountain.
It’s cold in the stream, I jump in and swim, being a dreamer, saying nothing in words.

Approaching to a child, ignoring the crowd.
I hear my heart beat, it’s so real.
Nameless song, I’ve sung it over the way.

And maybe I’ll be alone to be on the tramp with the moon.
So you empty the roads leading the craft for truth.

Yai yai yai ya

‘Cause I don’t have wings to fly so freely like birds in the sky.
I’ll have to let go of mind to soar in the wind and smile.

Approaching to a child, ignoring the crowd.
I hear my heart beat, it’s so real.
Nameless song, I’ve sung it over the way

End of Tai-Tai Career

Today is Di's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! We celebrated with a cake that has Lightning McQueen (the red racing car from Disney's movie "Cars") on it and the munchkins were so thrilled, they co-operated for every photo shoot just so they could lay their hands on (or rather, savour) the yummy cake. :)

Apart from Di's birthday, today also mark the end of my tai-tai career. Starting tomorrow, I will be back in school with a fully packed schedule. All my classes start at 8am and end around 5-6pm, Monday through Friday. In addition, I have bible study till 9:15pm every Tuesday. The few hours I have after school on weekdays would have to be spent wisely, making time for the munchkins, Di, assignments and homework, plus sorting out some household stuff (eg. bills, budget, etc.). I have to set aside some time on weekends for revision too, on top of family time.

Sounds tough? I think its more than just tough. But its now or never, you know what I mean? So I'm determine to ride the storm and survive the 2-year accelerated course. With the help of our LORD and support from family members, I believe all things will work together for good. Keep us in prayer, ya?

As for the munchkins, I'm indeed privileged enough to be a full time mommy and given the opportunity to grow with them for the past 2½ years. From using baby sign languages to mumbling a few words past the 2-year mark, they have miraculously started speaking in sentences over the past 3 months. One could actually hold a rather "sane" conversation with the girls now, and that's an achievement I must say. Though I'm a little sad that I have to leave them in the hands of the childcare centre while I move on to develop my own career, I am equally thankful they are learning so much more in playgroup. And I must admit I really enjoy the new skills they've acquired from attending the playgroup. They could dance and sing all day, and that brought joy to me and my family.

Come what may, my priorities will always be my family, so if I seemed very anti-social from now on, forgive me for time is not on my side and many are my obligations. Don't give up on me, my friends. You can email me, text or even buzz me! I will not disappear from the surface of this earth, so keep in touch! Thanks! :)

Blessed Easter

Blessed Easter, everyone!

Every week when hymns are sang during the worship at my BSF class, I'd be reminded of an old hymn which I learn in the 1980s. I can't remember all the lyrics, and certainly none of the chords, but I do remember the first stanza and its chorus which goes something like this...

Our God is far greater than words can make known
Exalted and holy, He reign from His throne
In infinite splendor He rules over all
Yet He feeds the poor sparrows and He knows when they fall

His power is great and will ever endure
His wisdom is peaceable, gentle and pure
But greater than all these glories I see
It's the glorious promise that He cares for me

Beautiful, isn't it? I hope I got all the words right. If you happen to know the entire hymn or better still, lyrics with the guitar chords, pleassssssseeee... share with me, ya? Thanks!

Days Numbered

My days are numbered... What would you do if you know your time is up, yet there's still so much to do? Well, I have for myself another 12 days to the start of my full time course, and I'm trying to make full use of every second now to do whatever I had been planning to do for the longest time while the kids are away in childcare.

My to-do-list includes:

1. Spring clean the munchkins' bedroom (done 2 days ago.).
2. Re-organise my handbags in the wardrobe (completed yesterday.).
3. Go through the munchkins' clothing, give away those they can no longer fit and bring out the new, bigger ones (checked!).
4. Carve out a section of my wardrobe for the munchkins' growing collection of bags (done!).
5. Getting a new vacuum cleaner with true HEPA function and high suction power (finally bought it this morning!!!).
6. Start a record book for Ya-Ya to note down the critical dates where non-routine chores (eg. change of air con or HEPA filter) are performed (just did it).
7. Make space in the books & stationery cupboard for my new files, notes, reference books, etc.
8. Re-organise the clothes in my wardrobe.
9. Buy anti-dust mite pillow for the girls.
10. Source for cute iron-on patch for the girls' new pillow cases.
11. Update shutterfly albums which are long overdue (sorry!)
12. Get new regular button-front sweaters for the girls to wear during nap time in childcare.
13. Hunt for a suitable adult raincoat for Ya-Ya who will need one to ferry the girls to childcare in wet weather.
14. Birthday celebration (lunch + movie + tea) with Di (programme confirmed.).
15. Birthday celebration for my dad (waiting for dad's confirmation).
16. Lunch date with my sisters (confirmed.)
17. Go for a relaxing weekday shopping (date & kaki booked.)
18. Breakfast by the bay (date & kaki booked too!)
19. Visit aunt & granny.
20. Catch up with as many friends as I possibly can!
21. ... the list goes on...

So what do you think? Do I sound like I going to be called home to be with the Lord in 12 days' time? Kekeke... Seems like it, isn't it?

"Deed" Trouble???

Yesterday, 3rd April 2009 @ 6:00pm, in a tiny little office located next to a butterfly garden, I signed pages and pages of legal binding documents which made me felt as if I had just sold myself into slavery (卖身契 in mandarin)...

Just kidding! The fact is, I was more than happy to have my signature penned all over the document called the Deed (a writing or document executed under seal and delivered to effect a conveyance). Apart from marriage & kids, this is probably the greatest commitment I had gotten myself into so far. I am now "obliged" to devote the next 5 years of my life to a career I believe I was called to - nursing.

As I've come to the 100th post of this blog, and having entered a covenant that will keep me busy as a bumble bee, you will probably see less of my postings from now due to fully packed schedule. Having said that, perhaps not... I may end up posting more often than before if I have lots to pour out to you folks after getting myself into "deed' trouble. Hehehe...

Anyway, wish me all the best, my friends! Keep me in prayer if you can. Thanks! :)

"May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us -
yes, establish the work of our hands."
- Psalm 90:17 (NKJV)

Paranoia

Do you find yourself acting strangely after becoming a parent? Do you hear your newborn baby cry in the middle of the night, when he/she is actually sound asleep? Or have you ever place your index finger near the baby's nostrils to confirm he/she is still breathing? I have, and I still do. Paranoia was never part of me until the arrival of En & Xuan, and I found myself stuck with this "disorder" till now.

After the series of events (lung infection, surgery, hospitalisation, etc.) which took place since February, my maternal "antenna" would respond to the slightest sign of a cough, or even a mere choke coming from the munchkins. Some nights, I literally jump off the bed when I hear a cough from the girls' room. And whatever food that triggers a cough are banned from the kids' menu for now. In the past, I never believe in abstaining from certain foods when one is ill. "Eat everything in moderation" had always been my principle when it comes to food. Now, I watch my girls' diet like a hawk. Eggs, chicken soup, honey, french fries, raisins or citrus foods, etc. are a big NO-NO.

Its sad to deprive them of so many of their regular foods, especially when they don't have many to begin with. But if you witness the munchkins coughing right after a small serving of honey stars, or cough for a good 3 hours in their sleep from 9pm till midnight after having eaten some french fries over dinner, you'd rather watch them eat plain bread with sky juice. No joke!

Gong-Gong and all my other family members are not spared. My paranoia drove me to inspect every snack given by them. It's for the good of their grandchildren/nieces, I'd say. And of course, for a peace of mind for the mommy too. Nevertheless, I pray this disorder won't last for long. For as soon as the munchkins are cleared of this respiratory "ordeal", I am certain I will be back to my old self. Or will I ever be???...

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" - Philippians 4:7 (NKJV)

The Paradox of Our Time

My favourite passage extracted from:

The Paradox of Our Time
- by George Carlin (Comedian, Actor, Author)

The paradox of our time in history is that
We have taller buildings but shorter tempers;
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less;
We buy more but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families,
More conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense;
More knowledge, but less judgement;
More experts, yet more problems,
More medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much,
Spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
Drive too fast, get too angry,
Stay up too late, get up too tired,
Read too little, watch TV too much,
And pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions,
But reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life,
We've added years to life not life to years.























Photography: Xuan
Cropped by: Mommy

How true! And how many of us actually realised that? Adding life to years!!! Shouldn't that be everyone's lifetime goal? Let's teach our children to enjoy the beauty of life to the fullest and appreciate every bit of it. This is especially more crucial to my family now as I move on to fulfill my "calling" while they start to get used to my absence (well, most of the time). God bless us!

Déjà vu

Just when I thought we're over and done with En's medical issues, who'd have thought she'll "shocked" us early in the morning last Saturday. Well, she didn't make it easy for all of us when we were at the surgeon's clinic the day before. She screamed, yelled and fought with all her might at whatever came her way. The surgeon finally raised his white flag and skipped the nasoendoscopy check. En was alright when we left the clinic, though we did noticed her cough quite a fair bit.

By late afternoon, her cough seemed to get worse but she was still happily playing, so we just gave her some cough mixture which the surgeon prescribed earlier. By midnight, she was coughing so much she couldn't sleep at all. To make things worse, she kept having nightmares, screaming "I don't want!!!" repeatedly, and that was exactly how she reacted in the clinic during the day.

So what can you do to a traumatised toddler who's coughing non stop in the middle of the night? We just have to take turns to calm & soothe her, rock her gently to sleep and anticipate the next drama in 20-30 minutes' time. The entire family was up caring for her till early morning, only to find her getting breathless as the clock ticks. My first thought then was "Did her adenoid removal surgery fail??? Why is she so breathless???"

To cut the story short, we ended up in KKH's A&E by noon, and she was sent to Observation Ward right upon arrival. The readings taken on the oxygen saturation level in her lungs were below normal range (95%-100% ) and the reading kept going down by the minute. Despite having inhaled 28 doses (my goodness!!!) of metered dose Ventolin puffs and undergone 30 minutes of oxygen therapy, the reading taken was a disappointing 88%. Her chest X-ray revealed left lung infection, which was why the doctors decided she has to be warded.

The meter readings taken on day of admission and the following morning after 18 hours of oxygen therapy.




















So exactly a week after her surgery, we found ourselves in the hospital again, this time with acute bronchitis and pneumonia. Her oxygen saturation level in the lungs returned to normal after 18 hours of oxygen therapy and administration of 4 metered dose Ventolin puffs every 3-hourly. I was sleepless, tired and worried... Having to spend 2 nights in KKH also reminded me of those nights I spent with Xuan 2 years ago. It was only last week when I was going through the photos taken then! Can you beat that???!!! Déjà vu indeed.

En in bed during the 2 hospitalisation saga in a week.























Thankfully, we are all back home now, although I will still have to endure sleepless nights to administer the Ventolin puffs to her during the wee hours at night. But at the very least, I have my En happily playing and laughing again. Praise God!

P/S: I cannot thank God enough for His reminder that He will preserve my children, especially when I was feeling helpless in KKH. The doctor who was getting information from me on En's medical history exclaimed "That's quite amazing!" when he asked for her gestational age (37 weeks + 1 day and that's full term for singleton, let alone a twin), and if she required any NICU (the answer was NO) or any jaundice treatment given postpartum (the answer was NO as well). Indeed, I am still amazed to date. Both En & Xuan are miracles, aren't they? Praise God again! :)

Over and Done with... Almost

First of all, we'd like to thank God and everyone who were with us in prayer pre & post surgery. En's adenoids were successfully removed on 14 March, and I felt she was given a new lease of life the moment we left Novena Surgery that day. For the first time in 2 years, I felt she didn't have to breathe heavily and could sleep silently in the car. That was when I couldn't help it but exclaimed "Its all worth it!"

Its been nearly a week post op and the girl slept well every night. The improvement is spectacular!!! It wasn't just me who noticed the difference. Everyone in the family did. En became more chatty, probably because she's no longer feeling the lethargy during the day. She'd skipped and hopped when we're out, apparently more relax than before. Now I fully comprehend the surgeon's words "You will notice tremendous improvement in her sleep the very night after her surgery. And she will be thankful to you for putting her through all these because she hasn't had a good night sleep for a long, long time." Its more than amazing!!!

Now, the only thing left to overcome is her review at the surgeon's office tomorrow. Although he said he may or may not do the nasoendoscopy on her, depending on her "mood", I am fully aware that he will most probably do it. Come on! Which surgeon does not review the site of the surgery post op??? Its his call of duty and I know I cannot stop him. So there we go again... Despite knowing that dear En is well and had fully recovered from the op, I have to commit her into the hands of God again tomorrow when that "flexible" camera thingy gets inserted into her nostrils while she scream and yell. It may not be physically painful, but it is definitely emotionally traumatising for a 2½-year old toddler.

So please keep us in prayer again, till we confirm the good news from the surgeon's mouth - "She's cleared!"

Thank you!

Surgery Preparation

When Xuan was admitted to KKH in April 2007 to have her abscess removed, we were caught unprepared, hence the trauma for the then 6-month old girl, Di and myself. I still remember the pain of being shooed away from the procedure room when my little one screamed at me for leaving her behind. And I'll never forget how lonely I felt when I was back in the ward, all alone, trying to hold back my tears while Xuan went under the knife (with only local anesthesia administered) and was wailing her lungs out. I swear I could hear her even though I was miles away. The only consolation at that time was probably the fact that she had a pair of really strong lungs!

IV unit on Xuan's arm which had to be taped to a splint.














Preparing to give Xuan a bath post surgery.














Its nearly 2 years from then yet memory of the above is still fresh as though it just took place yesterday. As such, I decided its best to tell En about her adenoid removal surgery scheduled on the coming Saturday than to surprise her that morning. After all, she is coming to 2½ years old and is able to comprehend the concept of events quite well. However, I reckon it'll sound a lot more "comfortable" to her when I said there are 2 "strawberries" (instead of adenoids) in her nasal passage that has to be surgically removed in order for her to breath more comfortably and to sleep better.

Well, we always tell En that she is special because an angel kissed her at birth and left her a lipstick mark (Strawberry Hemangioma) on her wrist. For that, she became a fan of strawberries and everything related to the fruit. So not surprisingly, she was glad to know there are 2 of that cute, little pink fruit in her nose which Dr. Chee (the surgeon) would like to remove. We added that the removal process will be carried out while she's asleep (under general anesthesia) and when she comes around, "Ta-da!!! The strawberries are gone!!!" En responded with a silly smile, as though imagining Dr. Chee waving his magic wand and some fairy dust came upon her while she was asleep. To give her more reasons to look forward to the surgery, we told her Dr. Chee is going to leave her a present for being such a cooperative patient.

Of course, mommy would be the one getting the present in reality. I had already bought her a new set of Hello Kitty Cellphone with matching accessories. My sisters also had gifts on standby to cheer her up post surgery. We've got Princess wardrobe stickers, Dora's bubble bottle, Thomas & Friends activity book, etc. all ready to put a smile on our little princess' face this Saturday.

And no, we have not forgotten about Xuan. Whatever gifts we prepared for En, there will be a duplicate one for Xuan too. Talk about double blessings! Remember its also double spending for twins!!! Hee... While Di, myself and one of my younger sisters will be at Novena Surgery this Saturday, Xuan will be home with Ya-Ya and Ling (my close friend and neighbour) who volunteered to babysit. Ya-Ya and Xuan will also be partaking the Holy Communion at home before the surgery starts. So it is a family event where everyone has to do their part to celebrate En's new gift of life --- to be able to breath freely, literally!!!

Would you please pray, celebrate and rejoice with us for this coming Saturday? Thank you very much!

Restoration

Had wanted to post earlier but I just didn't have the courage to. So much happened in February and with the kids still down, my heart is just a little to heavy to even get my spirit lifted for a second, even though I'd love to share some good things that were happening to me. I am hardly this discouraged, but I am still hopeful. There is still that little faith left in me, so I am hanging in there...

Nevertheless, this post is to thank everyone who had been with me in prayer, as well as to update those of you concerned on the status of the munchkins.

En
She has fully recovered from the gastrointestinal infection, as well as lung infection. After several tiring trips to the clinic for the administration of Ventolin (a medicine used to open her airway) via the nebulizer, we finally bought a unit of the nebulizer from the PD to administer the medication on our own at home. Her condition had improved a great deal but we desperately need to speed up her recovery in view of her coming surgery to remove her adenoids.

However, on Tuesday morning, when her PD recommended to postpone her surgery (originally scheduled for tomorrow), my heart sank into a bottomless pit. It is no joke knowing that she has to suffer another week of sleep apnea. Watching her cough every morning from 4am+ to 5am+ despite her strong desire to return to sleep is horrendously torturing for Di, Ya-Ya and myself. Many times, I had to leave the room, sometimes in tears, because there is absolutely nothing I can do for my child except to pray. Helplessness is a curse!

En's temperament is also very much affected by what she had been through lately. The amount of medication she had to take everyday is not helping either. Her mood swings are comparable to a pendulum! It got so bad I decided to cut down on all her medication intake, particularly antihistamines, and give only Ventolin. The result - she appeared happier. Thank God! And to keep her "sterile" till the surgery, she will be quarantined at home which means my sanity will be at stake. Patience, patience, patience... I have a feeling I'll either turn into a saint, or end up insane, by the end of next week! :(

Xuan
Caught the "bug" from En which landed her with lung infection as well. Xuan is very much recovered and sleeping very well despite her lost of appetite. Her antibiotic intake ends today, and that marks the end of my medicine feeding battle with the munchkins. We had a few very nasty battles with Xuan when it comes to medicine feeding and putting her on the nebulizer. The process was just too much for me to take, hence the decision to also cut down on her antihistamine intake.

As a result, Xuan too had been quarantined at home to give her a chance to fully recover and strengthen her immune system. Another reason for not sending her to school is to ensure she doesn't get another round of infection. Otherwise, she'll bring the "bugs" home to En, then we'll be back to where we started again.

With so much going on, I found my entire being running on empty earlier this week. Patience worned off, energy totally drained, tear ducts dried up and the usual joyful self vanished. I'm afraid my soul and being may well have been living in parallel existence behind barbed wired fence. Despite the whatever little faith I had left, God continued to be faithful and restored my hope and renewed my strength through my bible study class on Tuesday evening, and I am so grateful for that.

Now that the restoration process had began, I'm taking things one step at a time till life in this household returns to normal. And thank you once again, for keeping my family in prayer. I hope to share good news the next time I post. God bless!