Parenting the Dinosaurettes

Song: Living for Jesus

2011-03-15T23:08:00.005+08:00

A very meaningful hymn which touched me so much earlier, during my Bible study on the book of Isaiah (on chapter 6). The song reminded me of why I heed His call in the first place to do what I'm doing now, and how I should go on to do what I'm called to do. The hymn goes like this:

Living for Jesus, a life that is true,
Striving to please Him in all that I do;
Yielding allegiance, glad hearted and free,
This is the pathway of blessing for me.

Refrain
O Jesus, Lord and Savior, I give myself to Thee,
For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me.
I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne.
My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone.

Living for Jesus Who died in my place,
Bearing on Calvary my sin and disgrace;
Such love constrains me to answer His call,
Follow His leading and give Him my all.

(Refrain )

Living for Jesus, wherever I am,
Doing each duty in His holy Name;
Willing to suffer affliction and loss,
Deeming each trial a part of my cross.

(Refrain )

Living for Jesus through earth's little while,
My dearest treasure, the light of His smile;
Seeking the lost ones He died to redeem,
Bringing the weary to find rest in Him.

(Refrain)

I ask the Lord to always remind me however difficult the task may be, I am merely a vessel called by God to do His work, not mine. And I ask the Spirit of God to constantly sharpen my mind, enflame my heart and energize my will to live by His grace for His honor and glory, and seek to please Him in every thought, word, deed, my all! Amen.

Hello again!

2011-02-11T23:50:00.002+08:00

Its been a really long while since I last posted. I had wanted to give up blogging. And I'm still struggling with it because now that I'm working 3 rotating shifts, other priorities in life had to take centre stage, and blogging is certainly not on the top of the list.

However, this blog came to mind again today. My day started off with me realising the uniqueness of the date 11-02-2011. Its a palindrome, like a word that reads backwards the same as it does forwards. So I suddenly thought I should write something on this interesting day. But what should I blog about? So much had taken place in the past months, yet I can't think of anything special to blog. In fact, all I had in my mind as I embarked on an hour-long journey to meet my dad was the options which the orthopaedic surgeon would offer my dad, and my dad's response to those options. So unconsciously, the thought of blogging got intercepted by my other trail of thoughts and ended up lost in transition.

Yet the Lord, as usual, never fail to answer my prayers and prove His faithfulness. My dad was full of praises for the surgeon (today's visit being their first meet up) and he agreed to the total knee replacement surgery with full confidence and assurance. Do you know what that translates into? It means increased mobility, reduced pain, lesser medication and more activities for my dad and the munchkins. His quality of life will improve tremendously and this is the outcome I desire for the longest time. My dad spent the bulk of his lifetime on his feet, working as an odd job labourer at the fishing port and later on, a hawker until his feet couldn't take the stress any further at the age of 63. It was those strong limbs of his that gave his 4 children the opportunity to go to school and a chance to lead a better life. Now that he's 68, all I wanted to do for him is to ensure he get to enjoy the rest of his life going places and be pain free. I cannot express how much I thank God for removing dad's stubborn resistance to seek treatment, and replacing that resistance with peace and confidence in a mere week. It takes more than a miracle which only God can deliver. Amen!

So once again, here I am, doing my little part of sharing the goodness of my Lord through blogging. Until I can leap and jump again with my dad, I hope to be able to drop by whenever I can to share the ups and downs of my busy life. Cheers.

4th Birthday

2010-10-12T23:16:00.009+08:00

This post came a little late this year. The fun and joy experienced when planning, organising and being present at the munchkins' 4th birthday celebration in the childcare centre still linger in me.

Here's princesses En and Xuan on 6 October, with the individual birthday cakes of their choice.

I cannot put into words how I feel when I saw them seated at the table, all dressed up, ready to receive the blessings and well wishes from their teachers and all their little friends. They were such a fortunate pair whose lives had been under the hands of the almighty God! I was so close to tears that day. That gentle voice within, shouting "Look! We've come so far, isn't it?" makes me want to cry. The sweet reminder that God watches over the 2 of them all the time, is overwhelming. Those moments where I had doubts, where I was down, where my faith was failing me, where my human strength couldn't take me, they were all but foolishness of my heart which blinded my eyes to the love of my Lord.

Thank You, Lord Jesus, for all that You've done for En and Xuan. They were beautifully and wonderfully made by Your precious hands. May they remember Your grace and Your love for them, and in return, love and praise You all the days of their lives. Teach them Your ways, not mine. Show them Your plans for them, and not mine. Guide them to fulfill Your purpose for them in their lives. Into Your precious hands, I commit my little ones. Amen.

Doubts

2010-09-03T09:41:00.003+08:00

Today mark the end of the 3rd week of my clinical practicum to a surgical ward of the hospital I am bonded to. I have 4 more weeks to go before I return to books again (aka campus life).

As much as I still strong believe in, and am assured of, my calling to His purpose in this nursing career, I am prompted to start to pray about the discipline which I will enter into come January 2011. I need to know where I would be most needed in His purpose for my life.

You see, 2 years back, I felt I "might' be called to Palliative Nursing. End-of-life issues and caregivers' stress had always been close to my heart. I wonder sometimes if it stems from regrets that my family, including my late mother, was ill prepared for her death and issues related to her demise. I am not saying we had a hard time coping then. Even the most well prepared families had their share of grief and struggles after losing their loved ones. But I believe things would have been a lot easier if someone, like a palliative nurse, had step in to prepare the family, including my mother, for the impending issues ahead before her eventual departure. I was a educated, 19-year old young adult then and would certainly be able to comprehend complex issues on hand. Having said that, such services weren't available back in the early 1990s, so no one's to be blamed though.

Now, as I encounter deaths in the hospital and patients being diagnosed with cancer, and having spoke to a few of these patients, their family members as well as nurses who were in palliative care previously, I'm beginning to doubt if I can handle the emotional roller coaster of the role of a palliative nurse. Perhaps I needed more exposure? Perhaps I needed a good mentor? Or maybe it was never God's intention to put me in this role and it was my own imagination all along???

I need answers which only my dear Lord can provide. But you, my friend, can pray with me in my search for an answer and direction. Thanks!

Give us your strength, Lord.
Because sometimes things get tough, and we are ready to quit.

Give us your love, Lord.
Because sometimes people reject us and we are tempted to hate.

Give us your eyes, Lord.
Because sometimes life get dark and we lose our way.

Give us your courage, Lord.
Because often we are put under pressure and its hard to do what is right.

Give us yourself, Lord.
Because our hearts were made for you and we will not rest until we rest in you.

Amen.

Updates

2010-07-23T11:54:00.006+08:00

Its been months since I last posted in this blog. I did not forget its existence. I made a decision to spend more time with the kids (on top of my studies), hence the missing act from the blog as well as my other online hobbies.

As of today, the munchkins are about 2 months away from their 4th birthday. They are a lot more expressive nowadays, can hold a decent conversation and they play with each other most of the time. The "naughty corner" had not been used for a long time now as discipline takes a rather different approach for them at this age. The girls are more reasonable and are able to accept verbal warnings. I haven't seen melt downs for quite a while and I really, really thank God for that.

For the past few months, quality time with the munchkins were spent indoor playing dough, doing colouring, playing blocks, watching DVDs and occasionally reading together. At times, the adults were requested to leave the room because we don't belong to their "school" or whatever environment the girls' imagined themselves to be in. Sometimes I get pretty amused by how En and Xuan could understand one another's imagination and play along. You know, like when the things they talked about were virtual (like catching a fish without a rod or net) or the environment they verbalised literally doesn't exist (they pretended to be mermaids from the deep Oceania). Kids are a lot more than you think they are!!!

We go outdoor most of the weekends now. If I need to work on my assignments on a particular weekend, Di and YaYa will bring the girls out without me. The munchkins had gotten more "acquainted" with the malls than before. McDonalds were not encouraged in the past when they were younger. We now visit the fast food chain every fortnightly. Furthermore, with the munchkins' allergy conditions and asthma under control, they are now allowed to have ice-cream when we dine out. So you can imagine how much they love outings, especially after Sunday school! They can name the various malls we've brought them to and state their preferences. Needless to say, those malls with ice cream parlours and Kiddy Palace gets top votes in their list of "My favourite Shopping Malls".

A family portrait taken for Father's Day in May, so here's one to share. Seated on my thighs is Xuan. En has got her arms around me.

I may not be able to post as often as I'd love to, but I'll continue to try. Perhaps when I'm back in the hospital in mid August, I'll have more time to write again. I'll "see" you around. God bless!

Reflections

2010-04-02T00:26:00.008+08:00

An hour ago, I had a short chat with Di when I arrived home from my last day in KK Women and Children's Hospital (clinical posting). Di shared good news about his colleague's wife being successfully pregnant after years of trying to conceive with history of previous miscarriage. We were really happy for them. And Di was truly thankful it didn't take us long to get pregnant when we finally decided to start a family back then.

I, on the other hand, am more thankful than ever, after spending the past one month in the paediatric, obstetric and gynaecology ward. When I witnessed premature infants arriving in the ward with complex medical conditions or awaiting for corrective surgery, I can't thank the Lord more for a relatively smooth pregnancy, allowing me to carry the munchkins to term and giving them good health. Women with reproductive disorders also reminded me to count my blessings each day. What more can I ask for...

Thank You, Jesus, for everything!

Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts and no one to thank.
- Christina Rossetti

So Awesome is Your Love

2010-03-13T20:31:00.002+08:00

Paediatrics

2010-03-11T10:49:00.003+08:00

It has only been 3 days into my paediatric posting and I am feeling down and depressed, on one hand, yet tremendously grateful on the other. In fact, I am rather convinced paeds are not my cup of tea, and I certainly hope this discipline would not be my calling. I struggled to keep my professional composure at work and found it challenging to cope with the emotional roller coaster ride the moment I am out of the hospital.

I love children and I think they are beautiful gifts from God. So it pains my heart to see the little ones suffering. Oh, I forgot to mention I am posted to paeds surgical ward. Looking at infants or toddlers born with congenital conditions and hoping for a chance to lead a normal life post surgery is heart wrenching. Of course there are a handful of them who are admitted for minor conditions and their speedy recovery plus angelic laughter are a joy to many.

However, there is this one child who makes my heart ache even at this very moment. She was admitted for second degree burns (scalded by boiling water) due to abuse/negligence. My heart sank the moment I saw her. Wrapped up like an ancient Egyptian mummy, I could tell she is about the munchkins’ age. The quiet child, who refused to talk for the first 2 days, finally opened up and answered my few questions yesterday after I gave her Princess and Thomas & Friends stickers. Later on, she cried softly when we wheeled her for dressing change. After coaxing her, I promised to get her some Strawberry Shortcake stickers today. And I hope these little items would bring pain relieve and joy to her on her journey to recovery.

I spoke briefly about her condition to the munchkins last night. Told them about her burns and the fact that no one truly cares for her (I have not seen any visitors except for police officers and social workers). En graciously (lived up to her name) offer to give the girl her Thomas & Friends piano while Xuan fret over which of her favourite toys to give away. In the end, I chose a ball which changes colour when it is thrown in the air, and asked if Xuan would like to give away the ball. She nodded with a smiley face and that warms my heart.

So now, I’ll have to go pack the stickers and toys in a nice paper bag and get ready for work. Keep praying for me too, that nothing will happen at work that I'd be unable to handle. Thank you!

Why Blog?

2010-02-04T11:47:00.002+08:00

Some people blog to document their journey in parenting, career development or relationships with their better half or higher being, etc. Others choose blogging as a means to express their innermost thoughts and feelings, whereas for some, it is a mode to share with others their love for their hobbies (eg. photography, music, handicraft, etc.). No matter what their reason is behind blogging, I enjoy reading blogs because they reveal a lot about the writers, even though you may not know them personally.

But there are blogs written by my friends and they sometimes bring tears to my eyes. These are people I know personally yet we do not openly discuss our thoughts and feelings when we meet. Why? Because we are Asians and that’s it! It is in our blood and that’s hard to change. Our parents were reserved and we didn’t have good role models to guide us in expressing ourselves in our younger days. No doubt we are a lot better than our parents in terms of communication now, but still, something is lacking in the Asian (or rather Chinese) culture which makes it a challenge for us to pour our hearts out to our friends. And I guess it didn’t help to have another barrier to overcome – pride. Blogging, however, became a great avenue for some of us to pen our feelings and share with friends and strangers (pardon me for using this term if you happened to be reading this blog for the first time).

I got to know a few high school friends better when they started blogging. We don’t discuss what was posted when we meet face to face, but we do drop each other little notes (or exchange text SMSes) when one is feeling down. This morning, I spent a whole 2 hours reading the blog of a high school friend who just passed away on 30 January 2010. I was tearing most of them time when I read about her fight against cancer for the past 15 months. The fact that she left behind a pair of twins made me think what I’d do if I were to be in her shoes. Will I be as strong? What will I say to my own twins if I were to face similar situation? I really don’t know…

Nonetheless, I hope all my friends will continue to blog, and I will try my best to catch up on your blogs whenever I can. It may not be the best way to keep in touch, but it is one of the ways in which we can share and support one another, ya? Let's not wait till the next call to gather at a friend's funeral wake to catch up with one another, okie? “See” you around and take care!

Critical Thinking

2010-01-05T16:26:00.002+08:00

The concept of critical thinking is defined as “an analytical process that can help you think through a problem in an organised and efficient manner” (Barbara, A. P.). While it is normal to assume our kids will eventually acquire critical thinking skills, I've never actually thought about when that should happen, until I realised it had already manifested itself in En and Xuan over the past few weeks.

I used to give them excuses for not fulfilling their requests, and they never question why, though I sometimes get that "question mark" look on their faces. Then I realised one morning that my munchkins had "grown" without me noticing again. And what triggered that revelation was this.

We were at the mall around 10am on New Year's Day. Most of the shops were not opened yet, so when En asked if she could go for a kiddy ride, I conveniently answered "The shops are not opened yet, darling." Now, she knew exactly where the kiddy rides are located within the mall even though there wasn't a single one in sight. And I didn't quite like the idea of kiddy rides because they are costly. For the benefit of my overseas friends, a single ride could cost up to $2 at times!!! And you know kids don't normally stop at one ride (alright, alright... they're not so bad. They do stop at one sometimes when I tell them I only have one coin in my purse). She kept quiet for a few seconds, then she said "But the kiddy rides are not inside the shops!" I was speechless, and yes, I told her right in her face "I am speechless!" before we proceed to catch a few rides.

Last weekend, the girls were at their grandparents' place. While toss and turning at nap time, En asked YaYa "When I wake up, we will go to Orchard Road lah?" You see, "lah" is a local expression which the childcare centre is trying their best to educate the kids not to include in their English conversation. So Xuan turned and said to En "Teacher XXXX said not to use the word 'lah'." En quickly answered her sister " We can use 'lah' only when there's Xuan, En and YaYa. When mommy and papa is around, we cannot use 'lah'." I mean, what was she thinking???!!!

Well, if that is the start of the munchkins' critical thinking skills development, I guess I am in trouble. Have to start brushing up on my critical thinking skills to come up with a new list of excuses to counteract theirs. Kekekeke... Just kidding! I'm looking at my girls in a whole new perspective and I just want to tell them "Come on! Surprise me!!!

Faith like a Mustard Seed

2009-12-04T23:36:00.004+08:00

And Jesus said unto them, "Because of your unbelief; for verily I say unto you, if ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, `Remove hence to yonder place,' and it shall remove. And nothing shall be impossible unto you. - Matthew 17:20 (NKJV)

For years I have been equipped with the knowledge of this Bible verse. In fact, my name is a constant reminder of this verse! However, my faith can get as weak as one can imagine, especially where the munchkins are concerned. Every time my children are down physically, my faith is challenged. Don't get me wrong. I do not doubt my Lord and Saviour. But my defences aren't as strong at times like these... And HE knows. So He works in His special way to bring me to higher grounds, just so I could see better and further.

The night she was ill, I had En sat on my lap and cradled her little head in my arms. She was drowsy as a result of the medication, but still she managed to pray with me for complete healing. Our little prayer ended with a simple "We believe in Your healing and we receive. Amen."

A few minutes later, in a moment of weakness, and perhaps out of desperation, I asked her "Darling, do you really believe Jesus can heal you?"

"Yes", replied En with such affirmative tone.

"Why?" asked the foolish mommy, who was at the verge of breaking down from stress and fatigue.

"Because Jesus is good and He is happy!" was the answer from the 3-year-old.

From that very moment, I had to ask my Lord for forgiveness of sin. My kid understands the basic, simple truth which I'm so blinded to at times --- The Lord is able and willing to heal (or forgive, teach, guide, prosper, etc. Just fill in the blank!) And all He ask of us is simply believe.

To date, we are still praying and believing for complete healing for En, and I still have my moments of weakness at times. But I am reminded of the simple truth every time I am tempted to "stray". And I cannot thank the Lord enough for His grace that has kept me going. Praise the Lord.

Priotise

2009-11-28T15:24:00.009+08:00

First of all, I'd like to thank all who expressed their concerns and prayers for En. After some aggressive treatment including oral steroids and Combivent via the nebuliser (apparently the Ventolin inhaler wasn't effective this time because En's breath was too shallow for the medication to get to the lungs), the wheezing began to fade. Doctor advise to put her on long term antihistamine until the weather change for the better. In fact, the same apply to Xuan as well since she is also hypersensitive to weather changes.

En stayed at home for the entire week because in the midst of the wheezing episode, she suffered stomach flu as well. (Poor gal!) One could tell her immune system had been badly compromised. Anyway, we thank God we learnt our lessons from the previous experience (where she lost consciousness after few days of diarrhea) and sent her for medical review right away, so she didn't have to suffer as much this time round.

Now that En is much better, I have to start to catch up with my studies and be prepared for the challenges starting in 2 week's time. My schedule is so ridiculously packed, I sometimes wonder how I can survive this semester without neglecting my family.

Then I am reminded of my personal philosophy "In life, you win some, you lose some". Can I afford to lose some marks, live with lower grade and pass my exams with less than satisfactory results? YES, I can. Because the grades doesn't matter as much as my family members does to me. When I learnt that my cousin's teenage son died in a car accident over the weekend, I was badly "hit" as well. Even though I knew my nephew is now home with the Lord, I cannot imagine the loss and grief my cousin had to bear. She loved him so much...

Any of you having problems prioritising? What does it cost you to let go of some of the not-so-important appointments, gatherings or even commitments, just so you could spend some quality time with your family? Think, think, think...

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the same water twice because the same water that had passed will never pass again.
- author unknown.

Insomnia

2009-11-21T23:26:00.002+08:00

Tonight is going to be a sleepless night for me. Something I have not experienced for a long, long time...

En is wheezing badly again, and the symptoms doesn't seemed to go away despite administering 4 dozes of Ventolin at one go. The fear of her turning breathless grips me like nothing I can describe. I am physically tired yet my mind couldn't "switch off" because I am in fear - fear of having to send my girl to the emergency department again while I watch helplessly at a corner...

Those of you parents out there whose kids suffer from asthma may think I'm over-reacting. I am, indeed, and I must confess that my fears could be unfounded to some extend. But my heart weighs a million tonnes because I am guilty. It was exactly the same time last year when she developed similar signs, and I, being the full time caregiver, dismissed it as common cough symptoms. The foolishness in me simply didn't realise my girl was in need of help, leading to her subsequent episodes of chest infections, surgery and finally bronchopneumonia. The damage done was much more than expected and some were permanent. She is more susceptible to infections and airway obstruction (call it asthma if you like) ever since. Whenever she falls ill due to respiratory issues, I feel responsible. I know I need to get out of this bottomless guilt pit but...

God has forgiven me. It is the big ME in me who finds it hard to forgive myself. Pray for me, my friends. I needed your prayers... Got to go serve the midnight dose of Ventolin now. I bet I can hear the coughing even in my sleep...

Birthday Prayer

2009-10-18T23:22:00.003+08:00

Dear Lord

I’ll turn 36 in less than an hour. The birthday cake was cut yesterday, together with the girls and Di, in the comfort of our home. It was so sweet of Di to get YaYa a birthday cake in advance as well, so we had 2 different cakes for breakfast! Yummy!

And there was also the lunch and tea session with my pals last Saturday, and another lunch and tea session with my siblings on Wednesday. I thank You that I am indeed very blessed with so many loved ones around me, and I really have nothing more to ask for.

Reeling through the past year, I thank You for answering all my prayers. The list of answered prayers is too long to be posted here, so I thought I’d just share a few below:

I asked for strength and courage to face challenges, as well as wisdom to discern situations, and You were there for me whenever I needed guidance, be it in school or at work.
I asked You to prosper Di, and he did really well at work.
I asked for favour upon the munchkins in the childcare centre, and they were well loved by their teachers, the staff and all their friends (including those from Playgroup and K2, which I just came to learn about recently). Thank You very much!

The coming year would still be a challenge to me as I continue to play the role of a wife, mother, daughter, sister, student, employee, employer, friend, etc. Family still, and will always, come first, and I also hope this coming year would be a year of spiritual breakthrough for my family. This is especially so for the children as I try to demonstrate to them the importance of loving You wholeheartedly. May You continue to be the head of this house hold.

In Jesus' name, amen.

And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. – Deuteronomy 6:5 (NKJV)

Imperfection

2009-10-09T23:36:00.004+08:00

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. - James 1:17 (NKJV)

As I sit by in the munchkin's bed earlier, watching the 2 girls sleep peacefully, I started wondering if I had been a good mother to them. What can I do to make myself a better mother?

Through moments of quiet, self reflection, I wondered if I was too hard on them (and myself) at times, despite constant reminders (to myself) to let them grow as kids ought to. Then it strike my mind that striving to become perfect is not even half as challenging as coming to terms with imperfection. And to my precious, dearest Lord, thank you for reminding me that the beauty of life lies in its imperfection. Thank you very much, once again!

Three Years Old

2009-10-07T09:54:00.007+08:00

The munchkins turned three yesterday. Three!!! Wow! All it seemed to take was the blink of an eye and my sweetie pies are now preschoolers.

Looking back, I love having them as toddlers despite those difficult moments when communication was a major challenge. Now that we've overcome the "language barrier", I somehow missed their babbles and having to guess what they really wanted from their incoherent behaviour and seemingly meaningless speech fashion. Strange...

Nevertheless, their 3rd birthday was a memorable one to the munchkins, or so I believe. Their previous birthdays (only twice to be exact!) were all planned by me and there wasn't much involvement on their part except to be present during the party and cut the cakes. This time round was different. They started off the day with the family (aka Di, myself and Ya Ya) singing them a birthday song and a palm size birthday cake for each of them for breakfast. Its "tradition" that each of them should have their own birthday cake, even if its a small one, to remind us they are two separate individuals even though they are identicals. Gong Gong was sweet enough to purchase those cakes the night before (thanks, dad!). The girls left for school after that, looking forward to receiving their much bigger birthday cake and the afternoon tea party with their friends in the childcare centre.

By 3pm, Di, myself, Gong Gong and Teng (my sister) were outside the school gate while the teachers changed the girls into their "party" dress. Once we entered the school premise, we were greeted by a group of sleepy-heads (some looked as if they were still in dreamland after their nap). There, right in the front of a cubicle, was a wooden table with a Hello Kitty cake on it. En & Xuan were seated in front of the cake like princesses from the royal family. Kekeke...

Okay, side track a bit on the choice of the cake. About 3 months ago, I started asking what cake they would like to have for their birthday. And over the 3-month period, I gathered answers like Strawberry Shortcake, Princess Ariel, Snow White, Aurora, Belle, Hello Kitty, Little Einsteins, Pooh Bear, Dora, Mickey Mouse, Barbie Mariposa, Cars (aka Lightning McQueen), Tweety, blah blah blah... They were changing their minds every other day, so I decided to pick my personal favourite - yes, the kitty without a mouth or otherwise known as Hello Kitty or HK in short. Anyway, the munchkins kind of rekindled their love and interest for the kitty lately when Teng bought them each a HK candy house and HK doll house. San-yee even promised to buy them HK birthday presents from Sanrio Land on her holiday trip to Japan.

Back in the school, while the children were happily feasting on the cake, all the Playgroup kids had at least one portrait taken by Di. Di was amazed at how responsive the kids were and he was glad the children enjoyed having their photos taken by him. A plus point for the photographer! Then I was told to be prepared to bring a portion of the cake back home because I overestimated the size of the cake (I ordered a 3kg instead of 2kg). Surprisingly, most of the kids asked for a second helping and the entire cake was nearly gone in 30 minutes. Whew!!! I'm so comforted to know the kids love the cake.

En & Xuan received their birthday gifts from the teachers and friends before we left with them. We had coffee at the mall before leading them to Kiddy Palace. Both were so excited they were allowed to choose a gift of their choice. En chose a Cinderella top with matching skirt while Xuan opt for a layered, pastel coloured dress. They had another set of white skirts and a new "Barbie and The Three Musketeers" DVD as bonus gifts. All the gifts were paid for by Da-yee (thank you so much!!!). We then left the mall to fetch san-yee from RP and there, the girls received their loots from Sanrio Land wrapped in pretty HK packaging.

And guess what? Its not over yet.. . Xiao-yee is returning from Beijing this weekend, hence there will be another special delivery of birthday gifts next week. In addition, plans have been made to take the girls off school for 2 days so I can spend some time with them since I'm having my term break. So much for their birthday activities! No wonder they are so reluctant to return to school today... :p

Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease

2009-08-31T09:27:00.001+08:00

The past 3 weeks had been extremely eventful. During my miserable 5-day study week and the following week where I had to sit for my last 5 examination papers, En and Xuan took turns to have viral fever. En later developed wheezing sound in the lungs and was ordered by the doctor to stay at home for a week. As a result, I had sleepless nights and stressful days while trying to cope with her condition, my revision as well as the examination.

When both the munchkins were finally back in school, I started my clinical posting. Just when I thought all was going well, I received a call from the childcare centre on a Friday afternoon about Xuan’s temperature again. She was brought home earlier and we didn’t find anything unusual about her, so we just provided symptomatic treatment when necessary.

Then the siren in my head went off 2 days later on a Sunday when I spotted one blister on her arm and one on her leg. She already had one near her lips on Friday and I thought it was just a normal blister (Note: the blisters were neither on her palms nor sole, just one each on her arm and leg). Still, Di and I decided to dig out that HFMD brochure given by the childcare centre earlier this year to have a second look. Nothing conclusive, Di thought.

However, while exchanging SMS with one of my classmates who is also a mother of two, she mentioned her kids once had HFMD with no symptoms at all except ulcers in the mouth. I decided to check Xuan’s oral cavity. There I found numerous angry looking red spots in her upper jaw area leading to the back of her mouth. To be doubly sure, I checked En’s and the same area in En’s mouth was perfectly, healthy pink looking. Viola! That’s it!!!

So we brought Xuan to the clinic and confirmed it was indeed HFMD. We were prepared to quarantine En at home despite knowing its best to isolate her from Xuan. Anyway, she could be carrying the virus already (the incubation period is known to be 3-5 days), we thought we’d just leave things to God. And God was prompt in confirming our prayer this time. By the following morning, En started to develop blisters on her arms and legs too.

We were thankful Xuan’s case was a mild one. A week had past and she had merely 4-5 blisters on her. She had low grade fever and was able to eat everything and anything. Poor En suffered a lot more. She had fever above 39 degrees, painful ulcers in her mouth hence unable to eat or drink (not even ice-cream) and painful blisters on her upper, lower limbs and groin region (only a few on the palm and sole). She was literally crying throughout the entire Tuesday.

Now that it’s all over, we’re more than happy to release them from their “imprisonment” as they are officially allowed to venture beyond the 4 walls of our home. Their patience was obviously wearing thinner as the days passed as we kept telling them they can only go out when the blisters are all gone. I told En on Saturday night “You can only go out if Dr. Lim says you can do so. We will go to his clinic tomorrow.” Immediately on Sunday morning, she woke up and told me “Mommy, today is Sunday. Dr. Lim said I can go out already.” But we have not even seen the doctor!!! Kekeke…

Well, it may have been a very challenging month for the family, but we certainly had grown closer after having to face one another within the 4 walls of this house day in and day out. Now, we look forward to an exciting month in September where En & Xuan are going to be the flower girls for my cousin, Kelyn’s, wedding. In October, the munchkins will celebrate their 3rd birthday. And for the first time in their life, they’ll be celebrating their birthday with their own friends in the childcare centre. Praise the Lord!

Imagination

2009-08-03T10:46:00.003+08:00

I had the privilege of enjoying the life of a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) again starting from Wednesday last week. It is study week before my first exam paper this coming Friday. This short-live privilege had brought much joy to me thus far, and was a great stress reliever at times when I couldn't retain much of my revision materials.

Now, what makes this temporary SAHM status (versus being a full time home maker previously) more enjoyable is the munchkins' current development. Their ability to converse makes it challenging yet funfilled to spend time with them. And to top it up, their wild imagination, ability to infer and assume or whatever you want to call it, will either make you laugh or drive you insane.

Last Wednesday, when it was bedtime, the girls wanted to bring their favourite story books to their room, and I agreed. En picked ‘Sharks – Big Bigger Biggest’ while Xuan chose ‘The Three Billy-Goats Gruff’. After lights off, Xuan continue to “read” the book in the dark, and here’s how the conversation among the 3 of us went:

Mom: Xuan, put away the book. Nobody reads in the dark. You’ll spoil your eyes.

En: Mommy, cannot read in the dark, right? You’ll spoil your eyes.

Mom: Yes, you’re right. Xuan, you hear me? (Xuan ignored my request and continue reading.)

En: Xuan, cannot read in the dark! You’ll spoil your eyes!!! Like Lao Ma! (referring to my grandma who is also the munchkins’ great grandmother. She is visually impaired for the past decade.)

Xuan: Lao Ma is blind! Her eyes spoil. (Err... She seemed to respond to her sister better???)

Mom: Do you know who Lao Ma is? (I really wondered because they only get to meet great-grandma 3 to 4 times a year.)

En: Lao Ma took photo with Natasha at Da Yee’s house. (Okie, she got that right since she remembered the photo I took with my mobile phone).

Mom: Do you know why Lao Ma is blind?

En: Lao Ma read books in the dark when she is a baby, so her eyes spoil. A lot of blood come out!!! Then Lao Ma become blind…

I was totally speechless at the absurdness of the story, yet pretty amused by En’s imagination. The best part was - Xuan quickly put her book away and declared she is not going to read in the dark anymore. I had En to thank for that.

Just yesterday, Xuan decided to “make a call” using her toy mobile phone and ask me to greet the recipient (whom she decided would be my dad).

Xuan: Mommy, say “Hello, Gong Gong!”

Mom: Hello, Gong Gong!

Xuan: Okie, good.

Mom: Hello, Nai Nai! (I added a new "character" to the teleconversation.)

Xuan (protesting): No, not Nai Nai. Gong Gong is not with Nai Nai.

Mom: Why not? Perhaps they went shopping for toys together?

Xuan: No, Nai Nai go shopping with Ye Ye, not Gong Gong. Gong Gong go shopping on his own.

Mom: ??????

Sometimes, I wonder what goes though the tiny brains of my little ones. Do they speak more from their hearts or minds? What causes their logical thinking or wild imaginations? Have I, in any way, limited their ability to imagine beyond the impossible? I certainly hope not.

As I pondered these questions, I concluded that as certain as the sun rises from the east every morning, the beauty of life is not in knowing the who, what, when, where, why and how… It is in appreciating the who, what, when, where, why and how. I hope my children will embrace this beauty, and that I will demonstrate this virtue in my parenting journey.

Dear Lord, may you continue to bless my children and help me to “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” –Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV). Amen.

I will Survive

2009-07-20T21:55:00.007+08:00

Today mark the start of the 14th week since I started my full time studies. The journey is extremely rewarding, but of course, I've had my fair share of ups and downs. I struggled with a few modules, like Psychology, Developmental Psychology and Sociology. As you can see, I'm not a very theoretical person, so dry subjects like these just doesn't work for me. On the other hand, nursing subjects (particulary skills related) and Anatomy & Physiology were more "exciting" modules for me and I believe I had done (and will do) well in these subjects.

Nevertheless, I must confess it is by the grace of God that I survived this far. Being a mother of two was supposed to be beneficial, in my course of studies, in the sense I had to manage my time pretty well in order to do my revision and prepare for tests/exams. However, weekends come and go with the munchkins demanding time and energy from me, and before I knew it, I'm always trying to "scan" my entire stack of lecture notes into my "pea brain" the night before my tests. Oops!!!

You know what? Each time before my test, I would say a little prayer "Dear Lord, I will survive... with your help!" And my little prayer whispered in desperation never failed to be answered by my gracious Lord. *Thank you, Jesus!*

Of course, the support from my family is another crucial factor. Di and Ya-Ya had been entertaining the girls during those trying times where my "CPU" had trouble appending data from my revision. *Thank you, my dears!". Its 3 more weeks before I get to clear all my exam papers. Thereafter, I will face a new set of challenges as I venture into the hospital to clock my clinical hours. I believe I will survive my clinical posting too (but not without God's help!).

Back home, I have to thank God for faithfully preserving the little ones as well as the adults. None had been feeble lately and the munchkins had developed so quickly, I couldn't believe my eyes and ears at times. En is extremely chatty and cheeky nowadays. She would sing, dance and make funny faces. The list of questions she'd ask at times amuses me too.

Xuan starts to reason a lot lately. She'd be explaining things and constructing her own rationale about certain situations, and I am so amazed by her vocabulary. Oh yes, both the munchkins have started to converse in Mandarin and that's really a plus point, especially to Gong-Gong. All thanks to the childcare centre teachers who made them recite Chinese poetry!

...
...
My apologies for the abrupt end to this posting. Will try to update everyone again, in a week or two, I hope. Its time to go back to my lecture notes again. Ganbarimasu!!!

Praying for Children

2009-06-03T08:59:00.007+08:00

Yesterday was my late mother's birthday. She would have been 57 this year. When I was thinking about her on my way to my morning lecture, I wondered what I would have been if she was a believer and a prayerful mother. Would my life be entirely different?

Then I asked myself what I could do for my children? Have I been a prayerful mother to the munchkins as well? Frankly, I am guilty... Extremely guilty. Then I chanced upon an article this morning which hit the nail right on its head, and I can't resist sharing it here. Below is an extract from thoughts about God.

Praying For Children
Lord, I prayed for this child, and You have granted me what I asked of You. 1 Samuel 1:27

The assignment to pray for our children is absolutely essential to raise up a generation that will withstand the enemy’s attack upon them (Gen. 22:17, Psa. 12 7:5).

These Scripture-based prayers are dedicated to this most important responsibility and privilege of a parent or grandparent.

Lord, what do You want for my children? Guide me by Your Spirit as I pray for my children according to Your will. I release them to You so that You can accomplish Your will for their lives. I will not try to live my life over through them. Keep me from binding them by my needs, wants, and ambitions for them. Get me out of Your way, so that You can work the life of Christ in them and give them Your best. Give me the grace to wait on You, for Your timing is perfect.

I pray that my children would:

Receive and love Jesus as their Savior
Commit their lives to make Jesus Lord and be filled with Your Spirit
Know the true and living God intimately and cherish and apply all Your names
Learn to pray and praise
Know who they are in Christ
Be protected from the evil one by the blood of Jesus
Receive the love of God the Father
Love the word of God
Learn to hate sin and love holiness, righteousness, and the fear of the Lord
Grow up into maturity in the Lord
Glorify God in their bodies as Your temple
Respect those in authority
Have healthy, edifying, satisfying, wise friendships
Know the truth and renew their minds in God’s Word
Walk wisely in the ways and wisdom of God
Have the joy of the Lord
Seek to please God, not self, and serve others
Learn who the enemy is and resist him victoriously
Maintain their first-love devotion to Jesus
Find the godly life partner that God is preparing, a mate who will complement them in their obedient walk with the Lord

Note: Details of all 20 prayer requests above are elaborated in the website.

I seriously think I have done well thus far in NOT trying to live my live over through En & Xuan, and I pray I will continue to keep this in mind as they grow older. It is also my wish that they will develop individuality and not conform themselves to standards of this world. My hope for them is they'll turn out to be wise children of a chosen generation, not Gen-X or Y as "pigeon-holed" by the modern society. But above and beyond the things mentioned, I ask the Lord to continuously guide me in raising En & Xuan in a manner He desires, and grant me the wisdom to manage them as they enter into the pre-school phase in the months ahead. Amen.

Have you been praying for your kids? If you haven't, then pray with me!

Changes

2009-05-31T23:08:00.010+08:00

I'm starting to adjust better to my recent lifestyle changes, though still trying my best to balance family and academic life. Thank God He had been very faithful in providing for the family and my much needed brain capacity (there's so much to remember for BioScience!!!). Here are some pictures of my life in NYP:

Yours truly & the gang who makes academic life more interesting.

Our usual teabreak loot which is a must for some to boost their CPU (brain).

Though Di and I had missed out quite a fair bit in the munchkins' developmental journey of late (eg. their first visit to the Underwater World & Pink Dolphin Lagoon), we still try our best to make time for them on weekends or whenever possible. I really, really appreciate the help from all who had been faithfully & regularly helping to babysit the munchkins while I move on in life. May the Lord bless them richly!!!

Here's a pix of the munchkins on their way to school, taken a few days ago. Thank God for protecting them and keeping them healthy, just so I can study in peace and wake up in one piece everyday!

Over The Way

2009-05-24T12:56:00.005+08:00

Life had never been the same again the day I stepped into NYP to pursue a diploma in nursing. The past one month had been tremendously enriching and challenging (both physically & mentally), but I enjoyed every bit of it to date. And I pray I will continue to feel this way in the years to come.

There are some moments that hasn't changed a fair bit though. The giggles and hysterical laughs we have while I'm home with the munchkins, as well as chaotic ones at times. Peaceful moments (like now) are also treasured ones considering the huge amount of information I had to absorb while revising my lecture notes, and to keep up with some of my personal commitments.

In times like these, apart from hymns, it is also comforting to listen to "liberating" songs like Over The Way (by Europa Huang). If you have not heard this songs, check out the beautiful lyrics below:

The sunshine’s come, the flowers dance along the river, the mountain.
It’s cold in the stream, I jump in and swim, being a dreamer, saying nothing in words.

Approaching to a child, ignoring the crowd.
I hear my heart beat, it’s so real.
Nameless song, I’ve sung it over the way.

And maybe I’ll be alone to be on the tramp with the moon.
So you empty the roads leading the craft for truth.

Yai yai yai ya

‘Cause I don’t have wings to fly so freely like birds in the sky.
I’ll have to let go of mind to soar in the wind and smile.

Approaching to a child, ignoring the crowd.
I hear my heart beat, it’s so real.
Nameless song, I’ve sung it over the way

End of Tai-Tai Career

2009-04-19T16:27:00.006+08:00

Today is Di's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! We celebrated with a cake that has Lightning McQueen (the red racing car from Disney's movie "Cars") on it and the munchkins were so thrilled, they co-operated for every photo shoot just so they could lay their hands on (or rather, savour) the yummy cake. :)

Apart from Di's birthday, today also mark the end of my tai-tai career. Starting tomorrow, I will be back in school with a fully packed schedule. All my classes start at 8am and end around 5-6pm, Monday through Friday. In addition, I have bible study till 9:15pm every Tuesday. The few hours I have after school on weekdays would have to be spent wisely, making time for the munchkins, Di, assignments and homework, plus sorting out some household stuff (eg. bills, budget, etc.). I have to set aside some time on weekends for revision too, on top of family time.

Sounds tough? I think its more than just tough. But its now or never, you know what I mean? So I'm determine to ride the storm and survive the 2-year accelerated course. With the help of our LORD and support from family members, I believe all things will work together for good. Keep us in prayer, ya?

As for the munchkins, I'm indeed privileged enough to be a full time mommy and given the opportunity to grow with them for the past 2½ years. From using baby sign languages to mumbling a few words past the 2-year mark, they have miraculously started speaking in sentences over the past 3 months. One could actually hold a rather "sane" conversation with the girls now, and that's an achievement I must say. Though I'm a little sad that I have to leave them in the hands of the childcare centre while I move on to develop my own career, I am equally thankful they are learning so much more in playgroup. And I must admit I really enjoy the new skills they've acquired from attending the playgroup. They could dance and sing all day, and that brought joy to me and my family.

Come what may, my priorities will always be my family, so if I seemed very anti-social from now on, forgive me for time is not on my side and many are my obligations. Don't give up on me, my friends. You can email me, text or even buzz me! I will not disappear from the surface of this earth, so keep in touch! Thanks! :)

Blessed Easter

2009-04-12T00:25:00.003+08:00

Blessed Easter, everyone!

Every week when hymns are sang during the worship at my BSF class, I'd be reminded of an old hymn which I learn in the 1980s. I can't remember all the lyrics, and certainly none of the chords, but I do remember the first stanza and its chorus which goes something like this...

Our God is far greater than words can make known
Exalted and holy, He reign from His throne
In infinite splendor He rules over all
Yet He feeds the poor sparrows and He knows when they fall

His power is great and will ever endure
His wisdom is peaceable, gentle and pure
But greater than all these glories I see
It's the glorious promise that He cares for me

Beautiful, isn't it? I hope I got all the words right. If you happen to know the entire hymn or better still, lyrics with the guitar chords, pleassssssseeee... share with me, ya? Thanks!

Days Numbered

2009-04-08T15:42:00.004+08:00

My days are numbered... What would you do if you know your time is up, yet there's still so much to do? Well, I have for myself another 12 days to the start of my full time course, and I'm trying to make full use of every second now to do whatever I had been planning to do for the longest time while the kids are away in childcare.

My to-do-list includes:

Spring clean the munchkins' bedroom (done 2 days ago.).
Re-organise my handbags in the wardrobe (completed yesterday.).
Go through the munchkins' clothing, give away those they can no longer fit and bring out the new, bigger ones (checked!).
Carve out a section of my wardrobe for the munchkins' growing collection of bags (done!).
Getting a new vacuum cleaner with true HEPA function and high suction power (finally bought it this morning!!!).
Start a record book for Ya-Ya to note down the critical dates where non-routine chores (eg. change of air con or HEPA filter) are performed (just did it).
Make space in the books & stationery cupboard for my new files, notes, reference books, etc.
Re-organise the clothes in my wardrobe.
Buy anti-dust mite pillow for the girls.
Source for cute iron-on patch for the girls' new pillow cases.
Update shutterfly albums which are long overdue (sorry!)
Get new regular button-front sweaters for the girls to wear during nap time in childcare.
Hunt for a suitable adult raincoat for Ya-Ya who will need one to ferry the girls to childcare in wet weather.
Birthday celebration (lunch + movie + tea) with Di (programme confirmed.).
Birthday celebration for my dad (waiting for dad's confirmation).
Lunch date with my sisters (confirmed.)
Go for a relaxing weekday shopping (date & kaki booked.)
Breakfast by the bay (date & kaki booked too!)
Visit aunt & granny.
Catch up with as many friends as I possibly can!
... the list goes on...

So what do you think? Do I sound like I going to be called home to be with the Lord in 12 days' time? Kekeke... Seems like it, isn't it?

"Deed" Trouble???

2009-04-04T16:28:00.015+08:00

Yesterday, 3rd April 2009 @ 6:00pm, in a tiny little office located next to a butterfly garden, I signed pages and pages of legal binding documents which made me felt as if I had just sold myself into slavery (卖身契 in mandarin)...

Just kidding! The fact is, I was more than happy to have my signature penned all over the document called the Deed (a writing or document executed under seal and delivered to effect a conveyance). Apart from marriage & kids, this is probably the greatest commitment I had gotten myself into so far. I am now "obliged" to devote the next 5 years of my life to a career I believe I was called to - nursing.

As I've come to the 100th post of this blog, and having entered a covenant that will keep me busy as a bumble bee, you will probably see less of my postings from now due to fully packed schedule. Having said that, perhaps not... I may end up posting more often than before if I have lots to pour out to you folks after getting myself into "deed' trouble. Hehehe...

Anyway, wish me all the best, my friends! Keep me in prayer if you can. Thanks! :)

"May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us -
yes, establish the work of our hands."
- Psalm 90:17 (NKJV)

Paranoia

2009-04-01T13:38:00.007+08:00

Do you find yourself acting strangely after becoming a parent? Do you hear your newborn baby cry in the middle of the night, when he/she is actually sound asleep? Or have you ever place your index finger near the baby's nostrils to confirm he/she is still breathing? I have, and I still do. Paranoia was never part of me until the arrival of En & Xuan, and I found myself stuck with this "disorder" till now.

After the series of events (lung infection, surgery, hospitalisation, etc.) which took place since February, my maternal "antenna" would respond to the slightest sign of a cough, or even a mere choke coming from the munchkins. Some nights, I literally jump off the bed when I hear a cough from the girls' room. And whatever food that triggers a cough are banned from the kids' menu for now. In the past, I never believe in abstaining from certain foods when one is ill. "Eat everything in moderation" had always been my principle when it comes to food. Now, I watch my girls' diet like a hawk. Eggs, chicken soup, honey, french fries, raisins or citrus foods, etc. are a big NO-NO.

Its sad to deprive them of so many of their regular foods, especially when they don't have many to begin with. But if you witness the munchkins coughing right after a small serving of honey stars, or cough for a good 3 hours in their sleep from 9pm till midnight after having eaten some french fries over dinner, you'd rather watch them eat plain bread with sky juice. No joke!

Gong-Gong and all my other family members are not spared. My paranoia drove me to inspect every snack given by them. It's for the good of their grandchildren/nieces, I'd say. And of course, for a peace of mind for the mommy too. Nevertheless, I pray this disorder won't last for long. For as soon as the munchkins are cleared of this respiratory "ordeal", I am certain I will be back to my old self. Or will I ever be???...

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" - Philippians 4:7 (NKJV)

The Paradox of Our Time

2009-03-26T13:00:00.013+08:00

My favourite passage extracted from:

The Paradox of Our Time
- by George Carlin (Comedian, Actor, Author)

The paradox of our time in history is that
We have taller buildings but shorter tempers;
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less;
We buy more but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families,
More conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense;
More knowledge, but less judgement;
More experts, yet more problems,
More medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much,
Spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
Drive too fast, get too angry,
Stay up too late, get up too tired,
Read too little, watch TV too much,
And pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions,
But reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life,
We've added years to life not life to years.

Photography: Xuan
Cropped by: Mommy

How true! And how many of us actually realised that? Adding life to years!!! Shouldn't that be everyone's lifetime goal? Let's teach our children to enjoy the beauty of life to the fullest and appreciate every bit of it. This is especially more crucial to my family now as I move on to fulfill my "calling" while they start to get used to my absence (well, most of the time). God bless us!

Déjà vu

2009-03-25T13:55:00.017+08:00

Just when I thought we're over and done with En's medical issues, who'd have thought she'll "shocked" us early in the morning last Saturday. Well, she didn't make it easy for all of us when we were at the surgeon's clinic the day before. She screamed, yelled and fought with all her might at whatever came her way. The surgeon finally raised his white flag and skipped the nasoendoscopy check. En was alright when we left the clinic, though we did noticed her cough quite a fair bit.

By late afternoon, her cough seemed to get worse but she was still happily playing, so we just gave her some cough mixture which the surgeon prescribed earlier. By midnight, she was coughing so much she couldn't sleep at all. To make things worse, she kept having nightmares, screaming "I don't want!!!" repeatedly, and that was exactly how she reacted in the clinic during the day.

So what can you do to a traumatised toddler who's coughing non stop in the middle of the night? We just have to take turns to calm & soothe her, rock her gently to sleep and anticipate the next drama in 20-30 minutes' time. The entire family was up caring for her till early morning, only to find her getting breathless as the clock ticks. My first thought then was "Did her adenoid removal surgery fail??? Why is she so breathless???"

To cut the story short, we ended up in KKH's A&E by noon, and she was sent to Observation Ward right upon arrival. The readings taken on the oxygen saturation level in her lungs were below normal range (95%-100% ) and the reading kept going down by the minute. Despite having inhaled 28 doses (my goodness!!!) of metered dose Ventolin puffs and undergone 30 minutes of oxygen therapy, the reading taken was a disappointing 88%. Her chest X-ray revealed left lung infection, which was why the doctors decided she has to be warded.

The meter readings taken on day of admission and the following morning after 18 hours of oxygen therapy.

So exactly a week after her surgery, we found ourselves in the hospital again, this time with acute bronchitis and pneumonia. Her oxygen saturation level in the lungs returned to normal after 18 hours of oxygen therapy and administration of 4 metered dose Ventolin puffs every 3-hourly. I was sleepless, tired and worried... Having to spend 2 nights in KKH also reminded me of those nights I spent with Xuan 2 years ago. It was only last week when I was going through the photos taken then! Can you beat that???!!! Déjà vu indeed.

En in bed during the 2 hospitalisation saga in a week.

Thankfully, we are all back home now, although I will still have to endure sleepless nights to administer the Ventolin puffs to her during the wee hours at night. But at the very least, I have my En happily playing and laughing again. Praise God!

P/S: I cannot thank God enough for His reminder that He will preserve my children, especially when I was feeling helpless in KKH. The doctor who was getting information from me on En's medical history exclaimed "That's quite amazing!" when he asked for her gestational age (37 weeks + 1 day and that's full term for singleton, let alone a twin), and if she required any NICU (the answer was NO) or any jaundice treatment given postpartum (the answer was NO as well). Indeed, I am still amazed to date. Both En & Xuan are miracles, aren't they? Praise God again! :)

Over and Done with... Almost

2009-03-19T13:16:00.004+08:00

First of all, we'd like to thank God and everyone who were with us in prayer pre & post surgery. En's adenoids were successfully removed on 14 March, and I felt she was given a new lease of life the moment we left Novena Surgery that day. For the first time in 2 years, I felt she didn't have to breathe heavily and could sleep silently in the car. That was when I couldn't help it but exclaimed "Its all worth it!"

Its been nearly a week post op and the girl slept well every night. The improvement is spectacular!!! It wasn't just me who noticed the difference. Everyone in the family did. En became more chatty, probably because she's no longer feeling the lethargy during the day. She'd skipped and hopped when we're out, apparently more relax than before. Now I fully comprehend the surgeon's words "You will notice tremendous improvement in her sleep the very night after her surgery. And she will be thankful to you for putting her through all these because she hasn't had a good night sleep for a long, long time." Its more than amazing!!!

Now, the only thing left to overcome is her review at the surgeon's office tomorrow. Although he said he may or may not do the nasoendoscopy on her, depending on her "mood", I am fully aware that he will most probably do it. Come on! Which surgeon does not review the site of the surgery post op??? Its his call of duty and I know I cannot stop him. So there we go again... Despite knowing that dear En is well and had fully recovered from the op, I have to commit her into the hands of God again tomorrow when that "flexible" camera thingy gets inserted into her nostrils while she scream and yell. It may not be physically painful, but it is definitely emotionally traumatising for a 2½-year old toddler.

So please keep us in prayer again, till we confirm the good news from the surgeon's mouth - "She's cleared!"

Thank you!

Surgery Preparation

2009-03-12T13:10:00.014+08:00

When Xuan was admitted to KKH in April 2007 to have her abscess removed, we were caught unprepared, hence the trauma for the then 6-month old girl, Di and myself. I still remember the pain of being shooed away from the procedure room when my little one screamed at me for leaving her behind. And I'll never forget how lonely I felt when I was back in the ward, all alone, trying to hold back my tears while Xuan went under the knife (with only local anesthesia administered) and was wailing her lungs out. I swear I could hear her even though I was miles away. The only consolation at that time was probably the fact that she had a pair of really strong lungs!

IV unit on Xuan's arm which had to be taped to a splint.

Preparing to give Xuan a bath post surgery.

Its nearly 2 years from then yet memory of the above is still fresh as though it just took place yesterday. As such, I decided its best to tell En about her adenoid removal surgery scheduled on the coming Saturday than to surprise her that morning. After all, she is coming to 2½ years old and is able to comprehend the concept of events quite well. However, I reckon it'll sound a lot more "comfortable" to her when I said there are 2 "strawberries" (instead of adenoids) in her nasal passage that has to be surgically removed in order for her to breath more comfortably and to sleep better.

Well, we always tell En that she is special because an angel kissed her at birth and left her a lipstick mark (Strawberry Hemangioma) on her wrist. For that, she became a fan of strawberries and everything related to the fruit. So not surprisingly, she was glad to know there are 2 of that cute, little pink fruit in her nose which Dr. Chee (the surgeon) would like to remove. We added that the removal process will be carried out while she's asleep (under general anesthesia) and when she comes around, "Ta-da!!! The strawberries are gone!!!" En responded with a silly smile, as though imagining Dr. Chee waving his magic wand and some fairy dust came upon her while she was asleep. To give her more reasons to look forward to the surgery, we told her Dr. Chee is going to leave her a present for being such a cooperative patient.

Of course, mommy would be the one getting the present in reality. I had already bought her a new set of Hello Kitty Cellphone with matching accessories. My sisters also had gifts on standby to cheer her up post surgery. We've got Princess wardrobe stickers, Dora's bubble bottle, Thomas & Friends activity book, etc. all ready to put a smile on our little princess' face this Saturday.

And no, we have not forgotten about Xuan. Whatever gifts we prepared for En, there will be a duplicate one for Xuan too. Talk about double blessings! Remember its also double spending for twins!!! Hee... While Di, myself and one of my younger sisters will be at Novena Surgery this Saturday, Xuan will be home with Ya-Ya and Ling (my close friend and neighbour) who volunteered to babysit. Ya-Ya and Xuan will also be partaking the Holy Communion at home before the surgery starts. So it is a family event where everyone has to do their part to celebrate En's new gift of life --- to be able to breath freely, literally!!!

Would you please pray, celebrate and rejoice with us for this coming Saturday? Thank you very much!

Restoration

2009-03-04T12:03:00.010+08:00

Had wanted to post earlier but I just didn't have the courage to. So much happened in February and with the kids still down, my heart is just a little to heavy to even get my spirit lifted for a second, even though I'd love to share some good things that were happening to me. I am hardly this discouraged, but I am still hopeful. There is still that little faith left in me, so I am hanging in there...

Nevertheless, this post is to thank everyone who had been with me in prayer, as well as to update those of you concerned on the status of the munchkins.

En
She has fully recovered from the gastrointestinal infection, as well as lung infection. After several tiring trips to the clinic for the administration of Ventolin (a medicine used to open her airway) via the nebulizer, we finally bought a unit of the nebulizer from the PD to administer the medication on our own at home. Her condition had improved a great deal but we desperately need to speed up her recovery in view of her coming surgery to remove her adenoids.

However, on Tuesday morning, when her PD recommended to postpone her surgery (originally scheduled for tomorrow), my heart sank into a bottomless pit. It is no joke knowing that she has to suffer another week of sleep apnea. Watching her cough every morning from 4am+ to 5am+ despite her strong desire to return to sleep is horrendously torturing for Di, Ya-Ya and myself. Many times, I had to leave the room, sometimes in tears, because there is absolutely nothing I can do for my child except to pray. Helplessness is a curse!

En's temperament is also very much affected by what she had been through lately. The amount of medication she had to take everyday is not helping either. Her mood swings are comparable to a pendulum! It got so bad I decided to cut down on all her medication intake, particularly antihistamines, and give only Ventolin. The result - she appeared happier. Thank God! And to keep her "sterile" till the surgery, she will be quarantined at home which means my sanity will be at stake. Patience, patience, patience... I have a feeling I'll either turn into a saint, or end up insane, by the end of next week! :(

Xuan
Caught the "bug" from En which landed her with lung infection as well. Xuan is very much recovered and sleeping very well despite her lost of appetite. Her antibiotic intake ends today, and that marks the end of my medicine feeding battle with the munchkins. We had a few very nasty battles with Xuan when it comes to medicine feeding and putting her on the nebulizer. The process was just too much for me to take, hence the decision to also cut down on her antihistamine intake.

As a result, Xuan too had been quarantined at home to give her a chance to fully recover and strengthen her immune system. Another reason for not sending her to school is to ensure she doesn't get another round of infection. Otherwise, she'll bring the "bugs" home to En, then we'll be back to where we started again.

With so much going on, I found my entire being running on empty earlier this week. Patience worned off, energy totally drained, tear ducts dried up and the usual joyful self vanished. I'm afraid my soul and being may well have been living in parallel existence behind barbed wired fence. Despite the whatever little faith I had left, God continued to be faithful and restored my hope and renewed my strength through my bible study class on Tuesday evening, and I am so grateful for that.

Now that the restoration process had began, I'm taking things one step at a time till life in this household returns to normal. And thank you once again, for keeping my family in prayer. I hope to share good news the next time I post. God bless!

If Children Live With

2009-02-27T17:34:00.009+08:00

A beautiful poem I spotted in my girls' very talented & gentle PD Dr. Kenneth Lyen's clinic. He certainly is one doctor you'll fall in love with at first "word". :)

If Children Live With

Praise - they learn to appreciate
Criticism - they learn to condemn

Approval - they learn to like themselves
Shame - they learn to feel guilty

Encouragement - they learn confidence
Ridicule - they learn to be shy

Security - they learn to have faith
Fairness - they learn justice

Acceptance & Friendship - they learn to find love in the world

Xuan

2009-02-14T21:09:00.007+08:00

First of all, Happy Valentine's Day! I hope everyone had a great time together with their loved ones today. While we're not exactly celebrating the occasion, we're more than grateful we didn't have to spend this day at the KK Children's Hospital. Thank you, God!!!

For your information, I decided to name this post "Xuan" not because I have to write something about her after naming the previous one "En". Although I try to be as fair as I can as a parent and friend to the munchkins, there are times where its hard to practice what I preach. Nobody's perfect, let's face it.

Then why name this post "Xuan"? Because there is something about Xuan which we have to deal with now. Her childcare teacher called yesterday to find out En's condition, and at the same time, share with me something she observed in Xuan. Well, I must admit that deep inside, I have a feeling I knew what she was going to say but was hoping I'd be wrong... Well, a mother's instinct is almost always right.

Her teacher observed signs of insecurity in Xuan in the past week. She decided to discuss with me when Xuan refused to let part with her Dora pouch (which I bought for her this week) in school, clinging on to it as though her life depended on it. "She was never like this before. I feel she reacted this way because everyone's attention is on En this week. Do you think so, Mrs Yeo?" asked her teacher.

I had to agree. I'm one of the culprits who were not sensitive enough to my little girl's needs. I have no reasons to find excuses for myself, claiming that En needs me more in times like this. There were a number of occasions where I saw disappointment in Xuan's eyes this week, but I told myself I'll make up for it later on when En recovers. I was so wrong.

After sharing with Di and Ya-Ya about the teacher's observation, we decided we'll be more sensitive towards Xuan. But we are only humans, and what took place today made me feel worse than ever. This morning, En cried when Xuan took a piece of toy which she wanted but was too weak to reach for it. Ya-Ya told Xuan nicely to let En have the toy first and reiterate the fact that En is not well. Xuan then took a step forward, passed the toy to En quietly and turned away. One could almost see the hurt in her eyes!!! And the next thing we knew, she took a bite on her right arm!

Then in the afternoon, when I carried the frail En out of her bedroom after her nap, Xuan was seen happily sipping a cup of cooled Barley drink which Gong Gong had bought. Upon seeing En, the anxious Gong Gong hurriedly took the cup from Xuan and offered to En for fear that En would further dehydrate, but he too, failed to see the hurt in Xuan's eyes. Before I could react, there goes another bite on Xuan's arm.

Was Xuan trying to alleviate her hurt by transferring the pain onto her arms? We don't know... I've had friends complaining about their kids biting other children in the childcare centre. I've also been told stories involving sibling rivalry. Yet today, I find myself in no better shape than these friends. The only difference in our story is - the child inflicting and receiving hurt is one and the same - my Xuan.

Parenting is hard work. Not the physical aspect. At least not for me. The challenging part comes in the form of discipline and nurturing kids the way it is most beneficial to them. For Xuan, I supposed my utmost critical task on hand is to pray (for her and myself), shower her with lots of love and provide her assurance that in my heart, she will never be any less important than her twin sister. Seriously, I cannot think of any better solution at the moment. My brain is already operating at maximum capacity and my heart is still aching from the series of events. None of my other organs are capable of contributing to the topic at this moment... Oops, guess I'm not making any sense already. My brain is probably on the verge of entering "sleep" mode...

Sorry, Xuan. Mommy's very tired... But I do love you. Please be patient with me...

En

2009-02-13T12:20:00.005+08:00

This post is solely about En.

Before I could get over her adenoid issue, we had another "drama" yesterday and it totally freaked me out. I finally broke down because I really thought I was going to lose her forever...

En had been down with diarrhea and vomiting for the past few days. As she had just started a course of Claripen (an antibiotic) last weekend, I figured its normal because the side effects of the drug clearly indicated diarrhea, vomiting, abdominal pain, headache, taste alteration, etc.

Her diarrhea became more severe by Tuesday, after our visit to the ENT specialist. In order not to further traumatise her, I called the clinic instead of bringing her back to the doctor. Her usual doctor was off duty, so I consulted the locum instead, and was told to continue with Claripen as diarrhea is normal under such condition. Her last meal taken to date was a slice of hash brown during lunch on Tuesday.

We went on to administer the drug and even send her to school on Wednesday. Big mistake!!! Although she survived school on Wednesday, she was too weak to even move around by Thursday morning. She was seen lying around on the floor, couch and everywhere at home in the morning. As we had already decided not to send her to school, we just let her rest as much as her heart desires.

By 9am plus, she fell asleep, and Ya-Ya thought she's getting an early nap because she didn't sleep well the night before. She woke up at 12:15pm, sat there quietly and refused all the yummy food I bought to cheer her up. 15 minutes later, she dozed off again!!! That was when the siren went off in my head!

I called the clinic only to realised its lunch break and no one's around to answer my call. Out of desperation, I called an ex-colleague who is a nurse. Her words struck me like lightning! "She could die of dehydration! She's still so young! Send her to KKH. Don't wait for the clinic to open!"

I decided to wake En up, to see if she's alright. Once, twice, thrice... I tried hitting her cheeks harder. There was no response!!! Yes, she's still breathing but she wasn't responding!!! I panicked. I asked Ya-Ya to quickly finished up her lunch while I proceed to pack some of En's stuff and get ready the necessary documents. After I booked a cab, I called my dad and Di. I was already in tears when I told them "I don't know what happened but she just won't wake up!!!" With no questions asked, both the men showed up at the KKH A&E Department's taxi stand before our arrival.

At the A&E, on and off, En does open her eyes. She doesn't give much response but she is conscious, and that is great consolation to me. Primary diagnosis for her case is Gastrointestinal infection, whose symptoms are exactly the same as the sides effects of the antibiotics. No hospitalisation required but we will continue to see diarrhea, vomiting, fever, etc. for the next few days.

Since midnight till now, she's had 3 rounds of diarrhea and yet there hasn't been much fluid intake as she refuses everything... She hasn't had food for more than 3 days! I couldn't bear to take a second look at her now as she is so weak and skinny. Helplessness is exactly how I am feeling this moment and I can only pray...

Would you please pray with me?

Adenoid

2009-02-11T14:37:00.008+08:00

The word "Adenoid" was first introduced to me 2 days ago at the munchkins' doctor's clinic, and it got me all anxious and a little depress till now. So be warned. This is a rather depressing post...

En's bout of cough didn't go away since Christmas. After 3 visits to the same doctor, he decided to administer antibiotics which is standard protocol for fear of infection. 3 days after that, En developed high fever. Very unusual for one who is on antibiotics, so I suspect antibiotics resistance and brought her back to the clinic for a 4th time.

I spent some time with her doctor going through the signs and symptoms we observed in En:

loud breathing (close to snoring) when she's asleep;
takes a long time (compared to Xuan) to finish her meal;
wakes up coughing in the wee hours of the night, hence disturbed sleep;
occasionally throws up her milk when she's coughing;
sensitive nose (similar to my allergy rhinitis);
unexplained bouts of fever after she turned one, etc.

Then the doctor wrote the word "Adenoid" on a piece of paper and asked if I know what it is. I bet ??? was written all over my face. After his careful explanation and sharing with me his personal experience with his own child who had similar condition, he suggested I get En a proper diagnosis and got us a referral to an ENT specialist.

My mind was in a state of confusion when I left the clinic with the letter in my hand. As told by the doctor, I googled "Adenoid" the same night and had a better understanding of what it is. But I was still very anxious about the visit to the ENT specialist the following day. though I did feel a lot better after praying and exchanging SMSes with friends who are my praying partners.

Yesterday, I packed some of En's favourite stuff before we left for the clinic. Thank God my sister took the morning off to join us (Di couldn't make it due to work commitment). It took 4 adults to hold En down when the nasoendoscopy was carried out by the specialist. And yet, the results were not very encouraging. Her nasal passage was 3/4 obstructed by her enlarged adenoid, hence her difficulty in breathing when infected and her frequent wakes in the night. The conclusion - have her adenoid surgically removed.

While we are now waiting for her infection to clear up before we could schedule her for the day surgery, she seemed to sense my anxiety and what's in store for her. I haven't seen her laugh after the nasoendoscopy yesterday. She returned to school today and when I spoke to her teacher and principle this afternoon, both commented that she's been extremely quiet, moody and kept to herself. That nearly brought tears to my eyes...

Nevertheless, I'm thankful for the wonderful staff in the school who are taking extra good care of her now. The principal called to ask me to bring her some formula milk in the late morning when En refused lunch. She later called to inform me En finished her formula milk and that put my mind at ease because En had refused all meals yesterday and didn't quite want to have her formula milk as well.

Even now, my heart still ache at the thought of her going through the surgery and then probably another round of nasoendoscopy for post-op review. And I hate to see her so moody and withdrawn... I don't know how long this will last but I certainly want to believe it will be over soon.

You know, its strange how one could have faith in miracles when sick, yet tremble at the thought of their own kids being wheeled into operating theatres??? I used to think "losing my mobility (or freedom)" would be the most devastating thing that could ever happen to me. Looks like there is more than just that that is capable of robbing me of my peace - MY KIDS...

Playground Bully

2009-02-06T09:01:00.005+08:00

It never occur to me that I'll have to deal with the "bully" issue this soon. While you may have read about primary school kids or teenagers being bullied in school, I was shocked to find one near our home - the playground. And one whom I thought was a friendly neighbour!!!

The bully is a 8-9 year old boy staying 2 storeys below our unit. He is the 2nd born to a family of 3 kids. The only boy, in fact. One could tell he is the apple of his father's and grandma's eyes. His mother is a very sweet, demure lady from China whom I think deserves respect for being a very considerate neighbour and brought her 2 daughters up well. What happened to the boy then? Well, I suspect he is the typical spoilt brat raised in a family where the male species are thought to be of greater "value" and "class".

It was a breezy evening when Ya-Ya decided to bring the munchkins to the playground on her own so I could have a peaceful meal. There were quite a number of children playing, so En decided to stay on her tricycle while Xuan charged to the slide (as usual). Ya-Ya decided to stick around with Xuan while keeping an eye on En from a distance. That was when the boy took the opportunity to prey on En.

No one knew exactly when happened since En's vocabulary is very limited. What Ya-Ya saw was the boy standing next to En's tricycle, holding her left hand which was on the handlebars. En was seen trembling as though in pain or fear. Ya-Ya sensed something unusual, so she ran towards the "crime scene". The boy then ran off to join his elder sister.

En wailed loudly the moment she saw Ya-Ya. She then show Ya-Ya her left hand and said the word "painful." There, on her little hand (near her wrist), was a fresh cut apparently caused by finger nails sinking into her tender flesh. When asked what happened to her wrist, she answered "Gor-Gor". #$%^&*!!! I can't believe my little girl was assaulted at the playground by a familiar face!!! Anyway, the outraged Ya-Ya signalled the boy to join her and gave him a good dressing down. Ya-Ya also told the boy's sister about the incident, and polite girl quickly apologised on her brother's behalf.

Ya-Ya brought the girls straight home thereafter. En was still crying when she showed me her fresh wound. Lately, she also displayed higher level of anxiety whenever there are boys at the playground. I believe she had been badly traumatised by the incident.

While I have been teaching my girls to love one another and not to be violent, what happened this time round prompted me to share "self defense" with them as well. I feel it is a "life skill", especially for girls. And I told myself I will give the boy a piece of mind the next time I see him in the neighbourhood. And I will insist he apologise to En, even if the scar on her wrist is no longer visible.

The Skeezites

2009-01-21T16:03:00.005+08:00

“I’ll make sure my kids never knew fear, except the fear of the Lord”. I said that to myself, holding my newborn twins 2 years ago. I’m not going to instill fear in their tiny little hearts & minds like my parents did (unconsciously) when I was young. The twins shall not fear creepy insects (eg. roaches which I absolutely detest more than fear), darkness, lightning, “ghosts”, etc.

Months passed by and the twins grew, fearless indeed. Then at some point, they began to start running away from creepy little things like lizards and bugs. I read that their imagination gets wilder as they enter toddlerhood, so we try our best to assure them those insects are harmless. As time passes, however, when the munchkins get out of hand at times, family members (myself included) unconsciously start to insinuate some form of fear in the little ones. For example, hinting that lizards are hiding in some corners of the storage room when they insist on entering. How ironical!!! I could finally understand where my parents (or every parent) were coming from when they had to confront an innocent toddler while at their wits end. And this truth finally dawned on me a few nights ago.

Alright, some background information first. What happened was the munchkins were taking advantage of Ya-Ya since her return to Singapore. Both would take turns to want to have milk feed in the middle of the night (they slept through when I take charge) and after following her to kitchen to get their milk prepared, they would insist on having their milk on the sofa, and thereafter, refuse to return to their bedroom. Poor Ya-Ya had to camp in the living hall with no room for her on the sofa!

To prevent similar episodes from occurring again, while watching the Barbie Mariposa DVD with the munchkins one evening, I lied by bringing the movie to “life”. I told the munchkins very sternly that they are not allowed to leave their bedroom at night and camp out in the hall because the Skeezites (some form of evil flying bugs which feed on butterfly fairies like Mariposa) would be waiting for them in the dark. If they should request for milk, they would have to consume the milk in their bedroom. And I went on to illustrate (as per the movie) how the Skeezites were too huge to enter small spaces (eg. their bedroom) and were afraid of bright lights.

True enough, the same night, both girls were awake at 2am. En asked to leave the bedroom while Xuan asked for milk. I walked into their room and reminded them of the Skeezites. Having reached an agreement that everyone will stay in the kitchen where lights will be on while I prepare the milk, we headed for the kitchen. For once, I managed to have the munchkins seated on the floor, waiting patiently. The moment I was done, the entire platoon marched back to the bedroom without a fuss. And the best part was, both of them knocked out as soon as they finished their milk.

While I was quite glad things ended on a happy note and they slept through the following nights, I was extremely guilty when Xuan (watching the same DVD, seated on my sister’s lap) said the word “scared” while pointing to the Skeezites yesterday. Did I do wrong? Should I have adopted another approach? I don’t know, seriously… But I think I will tell them the truth in another year or two. They probably know the truth by then but you know what, I’d rather confess. Sorry, girls…

Future to See

2009-01-09T14:47:00.002+08:00

I've been too busy the few days, trying to adapt to my new found “freedom”. After slogging for a good 16 days straight with two sick, cranky toddlers, a frustrated husband and managing chores without a maid, my tensed muscles were finally able to relax.

To those who had been praying for the munchkins since their first day in playgroup, thank you very much! En & Xuan are healthy, happy and adjusting well to with their “academic” life. I’m so encouraged, perhaps because it makes me feel the decision to stay at home to care for them for the past 27 months had finally paid off. Watching them put on their shoes every evening when I fetch them from school is a delightful sight. I get even more excited when I hear new words from their mouth. It’s hard to believe they are picking up so much knowledge within a short span of time.

At the same time, I’m also thrilled to see the other parts of my life fall in place. If you recall my plans to go for a career switch, I've submitted my application for a 3 year full time course which will commence in April. Though I have yet to pass the interview by the sponsoring institution, I’m quite certain I will make it through. In fact, I've just been called up for a one-day attachment/assessment in the coming week! Gosh, I’m beginning to find the excitement a little overwhelming by now!

While my head is in a whirl, my mind is pretty clear and I pray I will be able to balance family & work/school life beautifully when the plans actually materialised. Life will become more challenging than it is now. I fear for myself (and my family) at times when I think about the years ahead. But I know the best solution (which is also the only solution) is to pray, pray and pray.

If I ever complain about anything here later on when things doesn’t worked out the way I wanted them to, please be patient with me, my friend. And if you can, gently remind me the old hymn that goes “I don’t know what holds tomorrow. But I know who holds my hand…”

"Fret not about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)

Back to School

2009-01-02T16:45:00.001+08:00

Its the first day of school for the brand new year. En & Xuan went back to playgroup today. Finally, a well deserved break awaits us, right? Wrong!!! Di and I spent the entire morning packing up the Christmas tree and spring cleaning the house. What to do? My OCD over cleanliness at work again...

Fortunately, the girls were not as cranky as we expected them to when they started school this morning. There were still tears at the gate but I guess the other freshies (the kiddos who started PG today) kind of "out last" them in terms of cry duration, so the munchkins "resigned to fate" and settled for breakfast instead.

As of now, we're still counting down. It will be 3 more days before Ya-Ya's return. I hope my sanity stays in place till then...

Thank You

2008-12-31T17:56:00.004+08:00

It has been 11 days since Ya-Ya left for her home in Philippines. She will be back here in SG 5 days’ time. Counting down? Of course! Our initial intent is to have the girls start attending childcare before Ya-Ya leave SG was so that Di and I could have a break while they were in school. After all, the last 2 weeks of the year were filled with holidays, so half the time we had to manage them at home, and we parents deserve a break, isn't it?

Well, if only things always go as planned. The girls adapted well in school. But they caught a cold on Christmas night and started developing fever, runny nose, cough and God knows what else. So we had them quarantined at home from then. Meaning, Di and I had been caring for them 24/7 for the past 7 days. Tiring? That’s an understatement!

I could tell Di was on the verge of breaking down last night when En refused her medication. The poor gal had been on it for days and finally threw in the towel. We battled with her for nearly an hour before she succumbs to our “evil plot”. Physically exhausted and mentally drained, both of us were speechless after that. We just didn't have the energy to even sigh…

Its New Year Eve and we had nothing planned. For the past years, Di and I would look forward to fireworks display from our full view windows as well as ships/ocean liners berthing nearby. Tonight, we were just looking forward to bed time. Can you beat that? Hee...

Nevertheless, I'd like to take this opportunity to express my heartfelt thanks to all who had been very supportive over the past one year. Apart from God (the reason I live and survived to date), from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank Di for being supportive of whatever decision I made despite our differences. My very special thanks to my dad who never fail to turn up at my doorstep (rain or shine) whenever help was needed at my place. Not forgetting my 3 gorgeous sisters who were always ready to lend a helping hand. Last but not least, my in-laws, godparents-in-laws, Ling, Ya-Ya and many others who mean so much to me, thank you! Thank you very much indeed!

And to my dearest little dinosaurettes – Thank You too. You may be rascals, but you are MINE. I love you both. *Muaks*

Playgroup Updates

2008-12-22T11:44:00.003+08:00

An update on playgroup (PG) experience.

3rd day (Wednesday)
En & Xuan managed to stretch their stay in PG beyond lunch hours. They had their shower (as they did on the 1st & 2nd day) and surprisingly took their 2 hour nap in school for the first time. Gong Gong and I pick them up at 3pm. Xuan was all teary when she saw us but En walked out happily, struggling to carry her little load of personal loot.

4th day (Thursday)
Both girls cried for a minutes at the door. Teachers had to carry them in. But it was obvious by now they do not detest school. They were simply more interested in the amenities which were leading to their school, and found it hard to accept the fact we are not going to these amenities. I guess the morning struggle will have to go on for quite a while since there is no alternative route to their "campus". At pickup time, Xuan ran to the door but no tears this time. En was nowhere in sight and we had to wait for quite a while. It turned out our little friend was taking her own sweet time munching her tea time snack. :)

5th day (Friday)
The usual 1-minute drama took place at the door again. Peace returned the moment they were distracted by some toys and their new friends. We could hear kids cheering for them and calling their names. Peeping through the windows, we saw older kids from Nursery sharing toys with them. Such angels! As Fridays are exclusively set aside for Gong-Gong, we went to pick them up at 3pm again. One of the girls in Nursery had just celebrated her birthday with a large cake, so we had to wait for 30 minutes, so the girls could slowly savour their share of the yummy dessert. Both came to the gate smiling today.

We were all hoping things would continue to be this smooth in the weeks to come, especially since Ya-Ya had left us on Saturday night. The girls had also made new friends in school, particularly Ran and Kel. I bet I'll hear a lot about these kids in future.

P/S: This morning (6th day), both girls cried before reaching school because Di and I refuse to bring them to the nearby playground. At the gate, both were still crying. However, En walked in without kicking a fuss while Xuan reached out voluntarily to her teacher to be carried. *Phew* Can't help but thank God for answered prayers!

Separation Anxiety

2008-12-17T10:08:00.002+08:00

Separation Anxiety is probably what I’m going through now. The munchkins officially entered Playgroup 2 days ago. The past 2 mornings while they were away, I had to plan things to do and get my mind/time filled with chores (i.e. housekeeping, marketing, run errands, etc.), just so I could be distracted from that awful feeling of “losing my kids” when I’m actually the one losing my mind.

Gong-Gong (my dad) is probably suffering from the same "disease" as me. I suspect so because he kept “appearing” at our home the past 2 weeks, taking a share of the quality time which I’m trying my best to spend with the kids. Anyway, to keep Gong-Gong occupied, I have already made arrangements with the Playgroup staff to release the munchkins 2 hours earlier every Friday. That would be Gong-Gong’s weekly playdate with them.

On the other hand, I’m also kind of relieved that the girls are settling down pretty well in school. En, in particular, adapted so well, she took all of us by surprise. She cried for a mere 30 seconds then proceeded to play with toys on her first day. She was also seen holding the hands of a teacher whom she wasn’t introduced to previously. Still waters run deep indeed!!!

Xuan, on the other hand, wailed so loudly for nearly an hour. I pitied the staff but it was really out of my hands. Di, Ya Ya and I were watching them from outside the school because we agreed not to accompany the munchkins right from the start, so they could adapt faster. This is truly a matter of "letting go and letting God"!

Then we saw a huge improvement in Xuan on the second day because she only wailed for a good 7 minutes, and she performed even better today – 3 minutes. My guess is she will continue to throw a tantrum every morning but the duration will get shorter each day. Hopefully the wailing will stop by the end of the second week.

Alright, that's all for updates for now. Gotta go… Time to find some errands to keep myself occupied before the thought of the munchkins fill my mind again. Ciao!

Bitten

2008-12-09T13:10:00.002+08:00

Few days ago, we had a little playdate with the girls from the unit opposite ours. The girls’ mommy invited En and Xuan to their house to play when her daughters were about to return home, so I accepted the invitation and brought them over.

When Ya Ya was done cooking dinner, she shouted for the munchkins to go home for their meals. As usual, Xuan was having so much fun, she refused. Out of desperation after a few failed attempts to “lure” her home, I told her we’re going to the playground. She ran to me enthusiastically right away.

However, the scene turned ugly when I brought her back to our home for dinner instead. Despite constant assurance that we’ll go to the playground after her meal, the playful girl refuse to have her meal. In the face of a meltdown, I had to give the hysterical toddler a time-out which further upsets her. While I was trying to comfort her, Xuan “loses” her mind and sank her teeth (all 18 of them!) right into my shoulders!!! It’s the first time I suffered a bite since her infant days when she was teething. And mind you, she had only gums those days and it already hurt. Can you imagine her full set of teeth sinking into the meaty part of my shoulder? I thank God I was not wearing sleeveless top that day or I’ll be left with a nasty scar.

Well, she did apologised immediately when I pushed her away from me and yell (yes, I yelled because I was hurt and in pain) at her for the ungrateful act. At the same time, I also felt extremely apologetic myself for lying to her. Lesson to be learned? Never lie to your kids, no matter what.

Growth

2008-11-25T15:04:00.002+08:00

The past month since the munchkins turned 2 had been a very “thrilling” experience. This is mainly due to the exponential growth in their ability to express themselves. Words are starting to flow from their mouth and at times, coupled with some actions which they kind of “invented” it themselves.

Before, their languages were limited to a single syllables, and very narrow range of words. Then they start to blurt out words we used on a daily basis, or when they point out to things they come across or in books, and sometimes they just “narrate” after the adults or DVDs. Our home became a lot noisier now.

I vaguely remember how their doctor put it in one of our visits to his clinic. He said “When the speech centre in their brain start to mature, words will flow. By then, you may not even be able to stop them from talking. So count your blessing that you are still able to enjoy some peaceful moments now.” How true!!!

Despite efforts to ensure we adults speak positively and “mind” our language, the girls still pick up some words from our conversation and reiterate them. Ya-Ya was sharing with me something about my sister’s maid one morning, and she said the word “dai” which means “girl” in her native language. Xuan was playing right next to me when she stood up all of a sudden and said “Die!” with her index finger bend slightly. It was so funny I nearly died laughing. None of us remember using this gesture to indicate death. Strange…

When I finally “reclaimed” my composure, I asked her “Who taught you that, baby? Did something or someone die?” Our dear friend then proudly wriggled her thumbs and index fingers (as if she is singing the song “Eensy Weensy Spider”), said “Ga-Ga died” before bouncing off happily back to her toys. For those who are not familiar with teochew (a local dialect), “Ga-Ga” means insects.

Such innocence… No wonder our Lord says "Verily I say unto you, unless ye be converted and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.” (Matthew 18:3-4 NKJV)

Struggle

2008-11-14T13:06:00.002+08:00

Its been nearly a month since I last posted. What was the reason? I wanted to spend more quality time with the munchkins before they both end up "institutionalised". Oops! I mean before they start attending full day childcare in January 2009.

A month ago, I was reading the blog of a friend who just started to place her twins in day care facilities because she was returning to the workforce, she mentioned “this deep pall of sadness” that's settled over her. And I went “Sh**! I bet I’m going to feel the same way when the munchkins start attending playgroup in Jan.”

And I was darn right! Except… I’m beginning to feel it NOW!!! Its only November and my heart seemed to ache whenever the thought of “surrendering” my 2 girls into the hands of strangers (though I've met and spoke with the supervisor numerous times) enters my pea brain. It started 2 days ago when the childcare centre called to inform me there will be 3 vacancies available in December, of which 2 had been reserved for the munchkins. I then asked for 24 hours to reconsider my initial decision and to discuss with Di.

You see, some time earlier this year, I requested the school to put us on waiting list for early entry in December though the official entry date was January 2009. Reason being Ya-Ya going on home leave in mid December, so sending the kids to school a month earlier seemed like the best thing to do. At that time, we were not sure if Di would be able to get leave clearance and even if he could, I’m rather “concerned” if he can survive the 16 days of daddy-hood with the munchkins at home while I continue my mommy role, plus manage the household chores.

However, Di got lots of “practical” sessions with the girls lately while I was busy attending gatherings and catching up with friends on weekends and public holidays. Some changes to his job scope also allowed him to obtain leave clearance during December. I was pleasantly surprised when he told me he is looking forward to the year end, though he is also praying for co-operation from his princesses while Ya-Ya is away.

Now, with that in mind, I was expecting Di to reject the early entry offer. Then as usual, Di’s response goes “Up to you. You decide.” Arrggghhhh… I struggled. And the two sides of my pea brain began a series of debate.

Left: Its only a month earlier. What’s the big deal?

Right: But they've a life time ahead of them to go to school. Shouldn't we just spare them for a month?

Left: They’ll enjoy school. There are things to learn, other kids to play with, things which they can never experience with you at home, so just let go and let God.

Right: I know… But they’re only two…

Left: They will still be two when you send them to school in January. What are you talking about???!!!

Right: I just feel bad… If I have to work and Di is not available in Dec, then we have legitimate reasons to send them earlier. But look! We’re both available, so why should we start them in Dec?

Left: If they start earlier, they won’t end up “frightened” by all the freshies (kids who enter in Jan 09) who’ll cry for their parents during the first week. Let them be the only ones crying in Dec, so teachers can comfort and focus on them. When new term starts in Jan, they’ll be more or less settled down, and not affected at all by the initial mayhem.

Right: You think so??? I’m not sure…

Left: Okay, think of how they annoy you at home? Think of those times when they fight for attention and toys! How about those occasions when they were extremely mischievous?

Right: Hmmm… I think its time they go to school.

I called the supervisor the following day. But at the very last minute, I decided they will start in mid December (the week before Ya-Ya goes home) instead of 1st December.

Since that phone call ended, I didn't feel any better. Tinges of sadness still linger and it has nothing with them starting childcare earlier. I guess all mothers sending their kids to childcare for the first time, whether their kids are 2 months, 2 years or older, feel the same sense of sadness and loss. It is one thing to understand the benefits of sending children to day care facilities. It is another to have your own toddlers walk through those school gates.

This feeling will probably linger on for some time still, and perhaps intensify as mid December approaches. Nevertheless, I have to keep my faith and believe God will make a way. He’ll take extra good care of my munchkins, and while they begin to fall in love with school, I’ll be able to move on with His plans for me.

Till then, pray with me.

Quality Time Part 2

2008-10-20T13:04:00.007+08:00

As promised, I brought En out for some mom-daughter Quality Time (QT) this morning. I realised I couldn't help bringing her to the same places I brought Xuan last week. Guess deep inside me, the "being fair to both twin" bug just won't let me go.

However, it is a very different experience hanging out with En versus Xuan. I was more relaxed today as En is generally more cautious about the surrounding. She sticks around me and holds my hand most of the time, unlike Xuan who'll charge to wherever/whatever intrigues her. En also takes instructions better than Xuan. I had a good time engaging in "intellectual" conversations with her. :)

There are 2 things I noticed about En today:

1) She is more attached to Xuan than I thought. It was barely 3 minutes away from our home and she started turning back, asking for Xuan. And she mentioned Xuan 3-4 times during the short outing. Interestingly, she didn't think of Ya Ya. That took me by surprise though.

2) En's interest in books has extended to those beyond her age. Of course she still likes picture books or board books, but I did noticed her flipping through my books/Bible on my bedside table at times. At the reference section in the library, she took a book on Statistics off the shelf, sat on the carpeted floor and started going through the book. There were no pictures. Just words and numbers. I hope this interest continue throughout her life.

Lacking the athlete stamina (more prominent in Xuan), En knocked out earlier than expected. Before we could flag down a cab, she fell fast asleep! There was no way I could get her to rest her head on my shoulders, so my poor arm almost suffered a "fracture" from supporting the gal's head all the way home!!! Well, looks like I'll have to bring her stroller along for our next QT. Kekeke...

Mid Thirties

2008-10-19T22:51:00.007+08:00

If you know Di personally, you might have heard him saying "All the important females in my life are born in October!" Well, his mom (aka my mom-in-law), the munchkins, myself and even Ya Ya are all October babies (or rather, ladies). And today is the day yours truly officially turn mid thirties. I received SMSes reminding me this fact from countless concerned friends since the break of dawn. If you are one of them and reading this post now, I thank you again! Kekeke...

It seemed to me the "mid thirties club" is not as well received as I had expected??? Initially, I thought the only ones who may be anxious about turning 35 are those who are trying to conceive. Otherwise, one should be proud to be 35! I AM! I love what I am now better than I was 10 years back. There's certainly room to live life to the fullest still, so I bet I'll love myself even more in the years to come. Assuming my "shelve life" to be approximately 70, I've already set one foot into my casket. Hence, it is important to make every second count in the days/years ahead, don't you think so?

So happy birthday to ME! May God grant me wisdom as I continue to grow in His love and unveil His plans for me! ^.^

"... Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him."
- 1 Corinthians 2:9 (NKJV)

Quality Time

2008-10-15T13:46:00.005+08:00

In the munchkins' first year, I made it a point to bring only one of them out, at least once a month, for shopping trips or tea time with friends. The rationale behind this was to spend quality time with them individually, so they could enjoy undivided attention from me (if not, both Di and I). I do get questions like "Isn't it unfair to the other twin?" or "How do you decide who comes out this time round?" I can't remember my answers then but I always remember to explain the reason for doing this - Quality Time (QT).

However, I can't remember when I last spent QT with En & Xuan. I felt so guilt stricken the day it struck me I had totally forgotten about QT. Ever since they were able to walk/run, we've been going out as a family most of the time, except when I have to bring them to the doctor when they take turns to fall sick.

The big "revelation" came on 1st October - Children's Day. I was on my way down town to have "a break from the kids" (while Di and Ya Ya babysit the girls) when I met a friend, her husband and their sweet little girl (Hayley) at the mall near our place. When I saw little Hayley holding the hand of her parents on both sides, I immediately felt sad for En & Xuan. They hardly (I won't say never but frankly, I can't recall if it ever took place) had the opportunity to hold both Di and my hands when we were out. Seriously, I don't think the munchkins realised (or are bothered by) this but I couldn't help feeling I had deprived the munchkins of undivided attention and love from both parents. Perhaps all parents with more than one kid felt the same???

Anyway, God brought to mind QT after that episode. With Di's busy work schedule lately, we hardly spend time together as a couple, let alone with the kids. Nevertheless, I resumed QT today by bringing Xuan out for nearly 3 hours. It felt so different going places with her with no specific agenda except to spend time together. We travelled on buses, took MRT rides, played with insects next to ponds, settled for lunch at The Galilee cafe before heading home in a cab. Can't believe how much I had missed all this while when QT was missing from our routine. Now I'm looking forward to my next outing with En and I am certain it'll be a fun-filled one as well.

Bhutan and the dragon

2008-10-08T23:43:00.006+08:00

I love the world map. Not so much because I love to travel, but probably because I love Geography. And I still miss that “international satellite & submarine cable” map from one of my previous jobs. Oops!

Though I have no intention to groom the munchkins into geologists, the munchkins, however, developed a keen interest in the world map ever since I place one (with flags of the world printed all over it) in their bedroom. They are able to identify at least 10 flags of the world now, which is quite an achievement for 2-year old, I thought. But there is a little joke about Bhutan which I’d like to share here.

You see, the reason why some country’s flag drew the attention of the munchkins is simple. These “interesting” flags had NO stars, crescent or cross on it, unlike the dozens of other flags in the world. The flag of Bhutan is one of the very unique ones. It has a dragon on it (see photo below).

When Xuan first pointed out Bhutan’s flag, I was glad but not surprised. Then I took the opportunity to teach her the word “dragon”. She started pointing to her MamyPoko Pull Up Pants and I was puzzled. I tried to ignore her little gesture and continued my “dragon” topic by talking about the cartoon series “Dragon Tales”. But she was persistent at trying to get my attention as well.

It came to a point where I had to look at her straight in the eye and said “Look, those are Pooh bears printed on your diaper. They've nothing to do with dragons.” “Poo poo”, she said. “Yes, Pooh bears! Winnie the Pooh has nothing to do with dragons, my dear!” Xuan shook her head, pat her butt this time and exclaimed “Poo poo!” All of a sudden, the truth began to dawn on me. She had dragon fruit for afternoon snack and it all came out in her poo. How did she know? I told her so when I was changing her diaper!!! LOL!

So what has dragon got to do with her poo? Dragon fruits are in it!!! Kekeke… So now we all remember where Bhutan is and how its national flag look like. Ha!

Happy 2nd Birthday

2008-10-06T13:39:00.007+08:00

En & Xuan turned 2 today. A monumental stage for most toddlers, I guess, as they officially enter the Terrible Twos Club. To the munchkins, however, apart from the family gathering held to celebrate their "coming of age" last Saturday, birthdays are just like any other day. Life goes on, that is, if they actually "bother" about life in the first place. That's the beauty (or rather, bliss) of being a 2 year-old.

For me, today brings a whole lot of mix feelings as I took them for a morning walk. Looking back at how far we've come, I'm simply speechless when I think about how I was "born again" over a mere 24-month period. Well, I am still who I am today, yet I am more than what I was 2 years back. You know what I mean? It is not an increase in material possessions, wealth or knowledge kind of thing we're talking about here. It is character development resulting from a steep (very steep indeed) learning curve, tears, joy, bitterness, laughter, etc. You wouldn't want to trade this experience for anything in the world, even if there were more bitter times than happy ones. From the very moment you hear that soft, sweet voice whispering "mama" in your ears, you know the tears were worth it - every single bit of it!

Happy Birthday, my joy, my love, my revelations! For God gave you both to me, just so I could have a better understanding of myself. Thank you, God, for En & Xuan.

(En & Xuan having a good time at the park in the morning of their 2nd birthday.)

Sleepless and Sick

2008-09-23T13:54:00.009+08:00

The girls are down with high fever (again!) and the cause is, as usual, unknown. Xuan kick start the whole "fever episode" running a temperature last Friday night, followed by En on Sunday. En hit a record high of 40.3°C while Xuan was burning at 40°C. The God-sent ear thermoscan is a great invention. Can't imagine what I'll do without it. But monitoring the munchkins every 30 minutes and administering medication 4 hourly really took a toll on me.

Previously when the munchkins fell ill, Ya Ya and I could still manage without additional help. Its amazing how we could "operate" in the day despite sleep deprivation over a few nights. On some nights, I think I only had maximum 2 hours of undisturbed sleep. Once the thermoscan reads 38.5°C or above, my mind will subconsciously stay awake even though my eyelids are down.

This time, I had to ask Gong Gong (my dad) to come over to help babysit the girls during the day, just so Ya Ya and I could take a break or catch some sleep. The entire household is down with cold, cough and body ache! Poor Di couldn't even take a day off because he is involved in the preparation of the first ever F1 Night Race held in town starting this coming Friday. He had to complete urgent tasks and be "on site standby" till 2 am during the race. He can't even "afford" to be sick. Can you beat that???

At home, Ya Ya and I are very grateful to Gong Gong for helping to "entertain" the 2 sick girls. He also bought us yummy meals (and herbal drinks too) so we don't have to worry about cooking or grocery shopping. Many thanks to Gong Gong!!! *Hugz*

I'm so looking forward to complete recovery for my family. Until then, please keep us in your prayers. Gracias!

8th Wedding Anniversary

2008-09-19T17:01:00.007+08:00

Exactly 8 years ago, Di and I wilfully got married with nothing planned for our future, except our honeymoon destination. Some of our friends thought we were out of our minds. But then again, who cares??? We were very comfortable with our decision (which is literally no decisions made) and had never look back since. If we could do it all over again, I won't change a single thing, except, perhaps, our honeymoon destination. Hahaha... Nevertheless, I could at least proudly proclaim that for once (in fact, more than once) in my life time, I have MY LIFE, MY WAY. Sounds like a TV commercial? Kekeke...

With the 2 munchkins now, I guess we will have to think thrice before engaging ourselves in any audacious acts. But the most predictable thing about life is its unpredictability, so it's tough to have to think twice, let alone thrice. Once you start thinking, you may have already missed the boat!!!

Oh God, there I go again... Please keep me firmly grounded, I pray. Give me wisdom, patience and self-control. Amen.

P/S: Before I forget, happy anniversary, Di. I'm not very hopeful that we'll get to dine together tonight, but I'm praying... kekeke...

“Living a life of faith means never knowing where you are being led. But it does mean loving and knowing the One who is leading. It is literally a life of faith, not of understanding and reason – a life of knowing him who calls us to go.” - Oswald Chambers.

Baby #3

2008-09-11T14:49:00.003+08:00

I opened my front door this morning and was greeted by a question from my neighbour “You've got another baby? For the past few days, we kept hearing an infant crying and it seemed to be coming from your home.”

Well, yes, we've got an infant at home. But, no, it NOT ours. Curious (or rather nosey) neighbours must be “shocked” to find me carrying a 3-month old infant around the estate. Well, it’s not baby #3 for us despite the attractive baby bonus package announced by the government last month. But I must admit there were times when Di and I thought “How nice if she’s ours”. And she… is Natasha, my niece.
Note: We will be babysitting Natasha for 2 weeks because my sister (suffering from post natal depression) has no helper.

Am I having second thoughts about having another child? No, I don’t think so. I would, if my next child comes with a "100% Sweetie Pie Guarantee". Hahaha… Personally, I find it hard to imagine going through the entire cycle of raising an infant to toddler again, especially with the munchkins into their terrible twos phase now. Plus, there are tonnes of things I‘d like to do and I’m only a few months away from “getting a life” (when the munchkins go to school). I've too much to risk, agree?

Still counting down…
765 days had gone by since I was gainfully employed.
113 more days before I regain my freedom.
A couple more months before I start life “afresh”.
Baby #3? Err… maybe, perhaps, we’ll see…

Funeral

2008-09-03T11:06:00.002+08:00

Di’s granny is 104 this year. He’s been the apple of her eyes since he was a little boy. Yesterday, we bid her farewell as she ends her life journey peacefully in the comfort of her home. As some of the family members went ahead to arrange for her funeral, others sat around reminiscing. Di even sobbed when he called me last night. I wish granny was around to witness that or hear those lovely words everyone said about her.

I’ve always thought it makes more sense to hold a funeral service when one is alive (or rather, when one is about to die). Why bother to play my chosen songs, read my favourite scriptures and share how you feel about me… when I’m lying in a stiff, cold casket. Then again, I doubt anyone would support my “Pre-Funeral” idea, and my dad would probably think I’m crazy. So I guess I’d probably try my luck again in my golden years. Kekeke…

Reminder to Di, En & Xuan
In the event I had to return home to the Lord unexpectedly, please read my favourite scripture Psalm 27 and play the following songs at my funeral.

Amazing Grace (sang by Hayley Westenra in the album “Pure”)
Pokarekare Ana (sang by Hayley Westenra in the album “Pure”)
牽我的手 (by Pastor 林义忠)

Thanks!

Job Satisfaction

2008-09-02T11:15:00.004+08:00

I supposed most people will agree that a mommy's greatest job satisfaction comes from witnessing her children's many "first" (eg. first coo, first rollover, first steps, first words, etc.) and ensuring her kids attain their various milestones. Even if one is a full time working mom, I'm sure these "big" achievements by your little ones means a great deal. But beyond all these, how else can a mommy obtain job satisfaction, especially if one is a full time mommy?

I was pleasantly surprised yesterday by how fulfilled I was when I managed to "housekeep" the munchkins' few toy chests. Firstly, having cleared up the "mess" satisfies the slight OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) in me to have a neat and tidy home. Secondly, the excess toys were either worn out (to be disposed, of course) or no longer age appropriate. And what we normally do is pass on the ones in good condition to younger kids of family or friends, or send the loot to The Salvation Army. That again, satisfies my self actualisation needs because it means I am able and willing to give.

Lastly, and also the most important point is, my kids are developing and growing so well, they no longer need their kiddy toys. Outgrowing these toys means they've moved on to other toys which requires higher level of intellectual and motor skills (eg. colouring books, puzzles, play dough, etc.). And that's job satisfaction for a mommy too! At the very least, it satisfies a self-centred mommy like me who simply can't wait for the kids to grow up. :)

Mishap or Miracle

2008-08-26T11:47:00.009+08:00

Our all time accident-prone twin, Xuan, hurt herself again on Saturday night. As usual, she was getting extremely "high" playing in their almost childproof bedroom. While tugging the blanket, she fell sitting on the parquet floor, slide backwards and hit her lower back against the magnetic door stopper mounted on the wall (behind the wooden door). Ouch!

There were no tears. No one actually knew how bad the impact was until she stood up, turned to look at the door stopper and exclaimed "Huhhhhh!!!!" There lying on the floor was the door stopper, and a metal piece with screws which was supposed to hold the door stopper to the wall (see photo below). The entire piece had been brought down on impact!!! Di had to hammer the entire metal piece back on the wall after that, before the door stopper can be screwed on to it again.

While Di was busy playing the handyman, my heart raced as I checked for wounds/bruises on Xuan. She had an angry red, bruised area where her left kidney is located. No obvious cuts because the gathers of her Mamypoko pants cushioned her soft skin. My heart felt like it had been sliced into pieces, nonetheless. I prayed that night, asking for God's healing (should there be internal injuries which the naked eyes can't see) and thanking Him for watching over the munchkins when I wasn't. She could have been hit on her head, can you imagine that???!!!

Xuan went to sleep smiling that night. The entire incident didn't bothered her at all while Di and I had to discuss action plans for the following day should bruises or signs of discomfort surface. It's been 3 days and we really thank God for delivering His promise to protect the girls while we committed them into His hand. Xuan woke up on Sunday with no bruises, no signs of discomfort and no recollection of the ordeal. She's a miracle child indeed.

Note
We managed to work out an interim solution. That is to wrap the door stopper with a foam pad (see picture below). If you have any better suggestions, please share. Thanks!

Notice on Shutterfly

2008-08-22T22:54:00.002+08:00

Dear family & friends

For those of you who are regular visitors to the munchkins’ Shutterfly albums, or perhaps one of their fans who had already formed your own “fan club” (kekeke…), please do note that the password to the newly revamped site remained unchanged - twins. I had the password shortened to these 5 alphabets to make it easier for everyone, but I will not remove the security layer for obvious reasons.

In case you’re wondering why I bother to reveal the password here if security means so much to me, its because I’m fully aware the “viewership” of this blog hasn't come to the point where tight security measures had to be put in place. Hahaha…

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the refreshing new look of the web page. The Shutterfly team certainly deserves a big hug for the amazing face lift, don’t they? Keep checking out the site for updates, ya?

Love, Di and me

Something about Di

2008-08-21T13:44:00.004+08:00

Hmmmm… After sharing so much about the munchkins and myself, I think its time to introduce the sole breadwinner of our household, the man with a funny bone (if you know him well) and the proud father to his 2 beautiful princesses – Di.

Actually, if you were to ask me to sum him up in a phrase, I’d say Di is a chronic patient with the “disease to please”. That’s one of the reasons why he is always so busy – living for others. But most of the time, I’d say he’s pretty pleased when people show their appreciation or gratitude towards him for helping out. And I’m proud of his generosity (in terms of time and effort) as long as he doesn't complain because I am, apparently, his only audience. Not by choice though. Kekeke…

But there is one aspect of him which many of us (family & close friends) knew about and are often appalled by that trait of his – he forgets things almost instantly! No, he’s not suffering from sever memory loss or early dementia. My guess is his memory is operating at maximum capacity (because he has so much to think about), so there’s hardly any space left in his brain to store new inputs, thus resulting in that blur or “Huh???” look on his face most of the time.

The most classic example would be the night when I was sent to the hospital for an emergency c-section to deliver the munchkins. All that anxiousness from knowing my waterbag broke and our gynae's advise to admit to the hospital immediately must have caused a sever adrenaline rush in his brain. He managed to calm down a little after we arrived at the hospital. While waiting for everyone to get ready for the operation, the father-to-be felt somewhat relaxed and decided to grab a quick bite together with his colleague (who kindly rushed over to the hospital with his Mrs to see if help is required). And guess what? What I thought would be a 15-minute break for him turned out much longer than expected because our DEAR FRIEND forgot he’s got a wife in labour in the hospital directly opposite the coffeeshop where he’s enjoying his dinner!!! I gave up after calling his mobile repeatedly (at least 10 times). Thanks God his colleague noticed the vibrating mobile phone and he rushed back in the nick of time when the nurse was about to wheel me into the operating room. Phew!

Although Di brings “headaches” to my life, he is, at the same time, pretty capable of making me laugh with his witty conversations and nonsensical comments. The munchkins will certainly have more fun growing up with a father as such than one who is a stern and serious. So daddy’s not the disciplinarian at home? Nope! Leave that part to… yes, you’re right! Yours truly!

"Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." - Ephesians 5:33 (NKJV)
"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."
- Ephesians 6:4 (NKJV)

Where is the Green underpants?

2008-08-18T14:38:00.008+08:00

After 19 months of caring for the munchkins, Ya Ya still struggles with their identity. Most of the time, I'd laugh at her silly mistakes, except once when she gave cold medication to the twin who is well and cheery.

Then, another silly mistake by Ya Ya this morning resulted in a 30 minute hunt for a pair of Green underpants. Xuan would normally get her morning bath first simply because she loves playing with water and couldn't wait. This morning, En got to shower first when it was bath time, as Xuan was having her "time out" with me for throwing a tantrum.

After bath time, I recalled seeing a pair of Yellow underpants on the floor when Ya Ya was dressing Xuan. This is pretty normal as the munchkins are now able to take off their underpants and occasionally put them back on. However, I found Xuan running around later on with only her diaper on while En had the Yellow underpants on her. I highlighted to Ya Ya and she started looking around for the missing "Green underpants", and at the same time, asked Xuan where she had "hidden" it. (Note: Xuan has the habit of hiding toys and stuff under the dinning chair cushions or any funny corners she can find.) We were preparing to go marketing, so before long, we had clean forgotten about it and Xuan ended up going to the mall without any underpants.

When we reached home, the first thing we did was to search for the missing article. I even looked out of the window to see if Xuan had thrown it down the flat. Approximately half an hour later and having combed nearly the entire house, I decided we should just leave the mysterious Green underpants alone. Just then, I had a strange idea which prompted me to check on En. Viola!!! She had 2 underpants on her!!! The Green one first followed by the Yellow one!!!

I laughed and laughed... Well, Ya Ya remembered putting on a pair of Green underpants for the twin who got showered first, but forgot that twin was En instead of Xuan. Secondly, she conveniently put on the Yellow underpants, on top of the Green one for En without even realising it. So that solves the mystery of the missing Green underpants.

If you think this is funny, you had better pray hard you will not have twins. *Wink*

Maid-less???

2008-08-11T22:22:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, as the nation took their rest from all the activities and celebrations leading up to the NDP (National Day Parade) on Saturday, Di and I had to work extra hard on Ya Ya’s off day because we didn't ask for any help this time. Well, Di’s 104 year old grandma is hospitalised (in coma, to be exact) so his parents were busy. Gong Gong, on the other hand, caught a cold and we felt he needed a good rest.

Moreover, its been a really long time since we last spent a day together as a family. Yes, I mean, just the 4 of us – Di, me, En & Xuan. It was tiring as we brought the munchkins for a near 2-hour morning walk, and then an evening walk which lasted about an hour. But we enjoyed the day thoroughly, though I hope it doesn't become a daily thing. Hahaha…

You know, Ya Ya was sweet enough to have showered the munchkins and cooked their lunch before she left for her once-a-month break. I get to skip the laundry and cooking chores altogether, and yet I still felt exhausted at the end of the day as compared to the usual routine. So can you imagine if I had to juggle those duties as well? Arrggghhhh!!! Help!!!

By now, I must confess I’m one of those who cannot live without my helper. Not just any helper, but in particular, our beloved Ya Ya. Kudos to all the domestic helpers out there who made our lives a lot more manageable, agree???!!! I was very glad to have Ya Ya back at home last night. Very, very glad indeed…

The Journey... thus far

2008-08-06T14:59:00.002+08:00

Today’s posting is to commemorate my motherhood journey thus far. To date, I spent 37 weeks and a day carrying the twins in my womb and exactly 22 months being a full time mother.

Parenting a child is tough. More so if you’re a parent to a set of twins, triplets, quads, etc. I’m sure my dear friends (Geck, Serene, Michelle, Karen, Fi, Carmen, Irin, Jess and many other mommies who are in the same shoes as me) will agree totally with me that our twins are a tremendous blessing and immense bother to us at times. I experience joy and laughter on a daily basis as much as I feel frustrated, sometimes angry or even close to tears. Yet whenever the storm’s calm down and the coast is clear, God’s soft, gentle voice will heard, telling me the munchkins are wonderfully made by Him and generously given to me. Hence I have to love and embrace them, faithfully raise them and shower them with care like precious gems.

Sometimes, I surrender myself and commit my parenting journey to God. At times, like my rebellious twins, I turn away from God in anger, taking advantage of the fact that my heavenly Father will be right behind me no matter what (please forgive me, Father!).

Twins. Twice the dosage of everything indeed. But, they are one of the reasons why I’m so in awe of God. And I pray they will be too…

Who's the Boss?

2008-07-31T15:23:00.002+08:00

People like to ask if both En & Xuan are the same in terms of personality (since they are identical twins). As much as I refuse to compare them, my answer is usually "They are very different."

Indeed, when I refer to the 4 dimensions of the DISC Personality Tests, I'd classify the munchkins as follows:

Dominance - EN (for being active in dealing with challenges, egocentric, strong willed, determined, etc. )
Influence - XUAN (influence others through talk & activity, magnetic, enthusiastic, warm, etc.)
Steadiness - both En & Xuan (or most toddlers for that matter) would probably get low scores for this as they've yet to learn how to control or handle emotions. However, XUAN would probably get a higher score for steadiness since she is generally more calm, relaxed and can be a little poker-faced at times.
Conscientiousness - EN (careful, cautious, neat, systematic, exacting, etc.)

En had once again proven my analysis right when we were at the playground this morning. Well, we were all up by 6am, so to kick start the day, we decided to head down to the playground before the burning morning sun starts to heat up the vicinity. The munchkins were clearly "informed" that we'd have to leave by the time the sun rays reaches the slides. It all went well and we had fun, laughter, giggles plus occasional screams.

Suddenly, En pointed to the risen sun, beaming on the playground, turned her head around and gave a very reluctant look on her face. I interpreted that as "Oh no, the sun's here. I wish we don't have to go." Ya Ya reminded her what was agreed upon earlier, and our little friend walked towards the lift lobby with disappointment on her face. Then she turned around, and saw Xuan struggling with Ya Ya. Annoyed by the commotion, the big sister shouted "Ehhhhh..." pointing at Xuan, then the sun. She seemed to be telling her sister off for not abiding by the "rules"!

Well, it seemed clear to me now that En's the boss, despite Xuan being somewhat aggressive at times. Now I'm almost certain Xuan will be "well taken care of" by En when they attend playgroup next year.

Law & Order

2008-07-21T11:39:00.008+08:00

Every parent know how its like when their kids are sick. Crankiness, topsy turvy routine, incessant wails, etc. are common while the kiddos are on medication. At times, I wonder how many of us actually stick to the rules and call for disciplinary actions at the onset of tantrums when you have a feverish toddler who is coughing and sneezing every other minute? Any comments, anyone?

I must confess I'm one of those parents who allow my kids to regress every time they fall ill. I'll try to give in to their demands, as long as it keeps them calm. Much as I know inconsistency is confusing to the kids, the feeling of being totally defeated, especially when I'm dead tired from sleep deprivation and on the verge of losing my mind, just makes me irrational amidst the mayhem.

This morning, after battling numerous episodes of the munchkins' dramatic acts, coupled with exhaustion from 3 sleepless nights in a row, I find myself losing my voice instead of my mind. That's a result of me speaking (at times, shouting) aloud for the past 4 days in order to be heard, while munchkins wailed or fought.

My partially deaf right ear seemed hurt from the cruel screams of my two 21-month old tots. I had to cover it whenever a new fight sparks off. But my sanity is still in place (thank God!). The munchkins finally cornered me to the point I decided enough is enough. I've just applied the good old "Cold Turkey" treatment on them by putting away items which were the "source" of their numerous fights. The usual rules were reinstated. As a result, Xuan had a 4-minute time-out this morning, while En got smacked on her hand twice for throwing a tantrum, hitting Xuan and attempting to hit Ya Ya as well.

Well, sounds like war at home? No! In fact, peace had just been restored the moment "law and order" is put back in place. In order to maintain the level of "social security and stability" at home, I'm starting to review and set new KPIs for the munchkins. *Evil grin*

R.P.

2008-07-17T10:25:00.004+08:00

Parents with toddlers who are 18 months or older or walking/running steadily would probably be quite familiar with the following places on our sunny little island.

Bukit Timah Nature Reserve
East Coast Park
Jacob Ballas Children's Garden
Regional & Community Libraries
Sembawang Park
Singapore Changi Airport (the new Terminal 3 in particular)
The Southern Ridges (9-kilometre chain of green, open spaces spanning the rolling hills of Mount Faber Park, Telok Blangah Hill Park and Kent Ridge Park before ending at West Coast Park)

What do all these places have in common?

Spacious. A must have for walking/running toddlers.
Have facilities which keep toddlers occupied (Let's face it! Tots are capable of coming up with at least 3 activities from a mere long bench!)
Admission is free.

But for a non-driver like me, travelling to some of these places with the tots can be a real challenge. Distance is also another major deterrent factor. Hence, I've been cracking my thick skull, searching for a venue which I can bring the tots to for "workout" on a regular basis, without having to lug a "luggage" along. And guess what? I found one!!!

I managed to catch up with my sister over lunch few days back at her workplace and I found the place a fantastic venue for the kids to "workout". My sister teaches at the RP (Republic Polytechnic) which is about 15 minutes bus ride from my place. The campus' 20-hectare area consists of environmental friendly features, greenery, water features & huge air conditioned open spaces (mostly carpeted). It is indeed a "Campus In the Park".

So I brought the munchkins there the following day. As expected, they were thrilled to see stairways, ramps and the water features. By the time we were done exploring the main building, the tots were exhausted. It took them only 5 minutes to drift off to sleep by the time we got home. Well, we'll definitely go back there to explore other areas of the campus real soon! :)

Play

2008-07-14T15:28:00.007+08:00

A couple of my curious, "full-time working mom" friends often ask me "What do you do at home with your kids the whole day?" My answer? We play! But what can a 35 year-old play with two 21 month-old tots?

Well, first of all, I must say its very fun to watch the munchkins play. They play with toys, with each other, with other kids and on their own. Sometimes, the funny sound they make while playing with finger puppets makes me want to laugh aloud. They can make the sound of a bear or lion roar, but can you imagine a frog "chirping" or a giraffe "meowing"??? Yet I have to really control myself and watch quietly, or they might just throw in the towel and run off.

Just this morning, I decided to replace the usual star-shaped bites or Coco Crunch with transparent pebbles in their "transfer game". The "transfer game" is the term I decided to use for training them on the proper use of bowls, cups as well as spoons. They'll have to make use of the spoon to scoop up the snacks from the bowl, transfer them into the cup before scooping the loot from the cup and then reward themselves with the food. Its kind of fun, but I'm beginning to find it too easily achievable because the snacks are way too lightweight compared to proper food served in meals.

So I carefully cleaned some transparent pebbles (see photo of the pebble which resembles a candy) before putting them into their bowls. Ya Ya was a little worried they might swallow the clear stones, assuming those are candies. I decided its not a cause for worry since I'll be personally supervising them. Turn out they did attempt to eat them but after 2 stern warnings, they seemed to "get the message" that those were not edible. At the end of the game, both managed to learn the word "pebble" as well though one can only hear "-ble" from their lips.

Okie, I've gotta go and think of more "games" and "activities" for the munchkins' play. Ciao!

Silent Conversations

2008-07-10T14:40:00.003+08:00

Though En & Xuan are now able to say a dozen words, a typical “conversation” during the day would end up like this.

[Munchkins point to the DVD player.]

Me: You want to watch DVDs?
Munchkins nod their heads.

Me: What would you like to watch?
Silence… (Probably vocalising the titles inside their tiny little brain)

Me: Would you like to watch Elmo (refers to Sesame Street series)?
Munchkins shake their heads.

Me: How about Hi-5 (refers to the Hi-5 series)?
Munchkins shake their heads again.

Me: Is it Nemo (refers to the movie “Finding Nemo”)?
Munchkins shake their heads this time with some displeasure on their faces.

Me: Then, how about Ah-Bu (refers to the character in the movie “Monster Inc.”)?
Munchkins shake their heads vigorously and start to make noise.

Me: Okay, is it Mickey (refers to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse series) then?
Munchkins grin from ear to ear, nodding their heads simultaneously.

You know what? Such “silent” conversation doesn’t always end on a happy note. There are times when I feel like quitting the human race when I’ve exhausted the list (and sub-listing like the titles under Sesame Street or Hi-5 series!!!) and still haven’t got the right answer! It is having to guess every single possible answer to their request that’s the silent killer! Forget those books which advocate giving choices to tots but limiting the options to 2. It doesn’t work all the time. I have come to realise a particular trick which works better – don’t even ask! Just play whatever DVDs I feel like it. More often than not, they’ll just watch along with me or run off to play on their own if they are not interested. Perfect!

Live the Dream!

2008-07-03T14:41:00.001+08:00

On 17 May, I posted a sharing on my desire for a career switch in the coming year. At the same time, SMSes were also sent to my group of “prayer partners” as I really needed confirmation and assurance. I mentioned in that posting “As long as I know this is His plan for me, I would fearlessly take the step of faith and go forth.” Subsequently, I was surprised to receive so much assurance from family (Di included, of course) and friends, encouraging me to give it a go. Yet deep down, I still felt inadequate and uncertain though I believe He was telling me to “Go on. I’ll be with you, O ye of little faith!”

Exactly 5 weeks later, on 20 June, while going through a daily devotional material, I was so encouraged by the opening passage because it really speaks into my heart where this issue is concerned. Here’s what it says:

“If God tells you to do something, He will give you the energy, talent, resources – whatever you need – to do it. Where God guides, He provides.” (Rick Warren, founding pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California.)

Such timely reassurance! I continue to pray about it, and it took me another week to have the courage to share this with the other very-important-men in my life – my dad. And boy, was I thankful he didn’t scream with remarks like “How are you going to raise your children with that kind of salary & working hours!!!” He listened quietly to my sharing and thought about it for a while. Guess what? Those 8 seconds were the longest silence I ever endured in my entire life! “It is hard work. Nevertheless, it is a career worth considering. You decide. It’s your call.” I was thankful, encouraged and relieved. Nothing beats having the favour of my Father above and the support of my dad on earth.

So, yes! Be prepared to bump into me in the coming year, strutting around in the MRT, clad in jeans, tee shirt and struggling with notes and reference books. I’m going back to school!!! Yippee...

“If Jesus Lived Inside My Heart”

2008-07-01T13:07:00.000+08:00

“If Jesus Lived Inside My Heart” is a very lovely passage for tots, written by Jill Roman Lord, text copyright © 2007. It is also a very good reminder to me to share with my tots, on how the Lord works for and within us in our daily walk with Him. Here’s the passage to share with everyone.

If Jesus lived inside my heart,
Would other people know?
Perhaps he’d use all parts of me
To love and shine and glow!

If Jesus used my eyes, I think
He might just recommend
That when I see a child alone,
I’d try to be her friend.

I’d offer her some bubble gum
Or ask if she might like
To shoot some hoops of basketball
Or try out my new trike.

Would Jesus use my mouth to say
“I’m sorry” when I’m wrong?
Or offer kind encouragement
For friends to get along?

I think he’d use my arms to give
Big warm and snugly hugs
And hold my baby sister when
She’s scared of creepy bugs

My hands could make nice cards to send
To Grandma far away.
I’d also rub Mom’s shoulders when
She’s had a busy day.

I’d use my gifts and talents that
God’s given to me to share.
I’d play a song for Grandpa and
His friends to show I care.

I’d always try to do what’s best,
So someone else might see
That Jesus lives inside my heart
And works through little me!

And if there were one cookie left,
I’d know just what to do…
I’d split it with my brother ‘cause
He’d want a cookie too.

I know I sometimes make mistakes.
I’m messy and I spill.
Then, what does Jesus think of me?
Does Jesus love me still?

I think he’d say, “I love you, Child,
More than you’ll ever know.
Since you have given me your heart,
I’ll never let you go.

I’ll work through you and shine through you
Just like the brightest light.
I’ll guide each precious step you take
And help you do what’s right.

And though I live inside of you,
I’m here for all to see.
When others see your acts of love…
They’re also seeing me.”

And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts,
Living within you as you trust in him.
– Ephesians 3:17, The Living New Testament.

Singapore Flyer

2008-06-30T15:08:00.007+08:00

I survived the Singapore Flyer with 2 x 20-month old tots! We were in a dilemma that morning when we were supposed to bring the munchkins to Jacob Ballas Children's Garden. But the morning sky looked a little too gloomy for comfort, and it would mean we'll be stranded at the JBCG if we encounter a heavy downpour. So Di asked if we should change our plans and head elsewhere, like for example the Singapore Flyer? I was hesitant...

What if it rained as well? Di said we could shop around the area since there's a mall below the gigantic facility, or even head down to Suntec City should the weather let us down.

What if the munchkins get bored halfway through the ride and wants to get off? You know its totally impossible. And what if they turn cranky because of that? Won't that affect the other passengers on board the capsule? Again, Di reasoned we won't be "trapped' inside the capsule with too many people, considering it was a weekday. So if they do turn cranky? We pray for understanding from the other riders? There were so many "what if"s ringing in my head...

Anyway, conclusion, Di felt its a wiser choice to go to the Flyer, and so I just commit the day (and weather) to God and off we went. The rain stopped before our arrival, and the munchkins get a never clearer view of the skyline on board! We shared the capsule with another family of 6 from India. It was a great experience and nope, there were only laughter and smiles throughout the ride. What more can we ask for? There is no doubt the wisest among us all is --- the almighty GOD!

Here are 2 pix taken from the Flyer for viewing pleasure.

"To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen" - Jude verse 25 NKJV

My First Niece

2008-06-16T16:53:00.003+08:00

Please give a big hand to welcome Natasha, my first niece and my father's 3rd grandchild!!! Noticed how much she resembles En & Xuan in their first week?

Cousins! From left: En, Xuan and Nat.

Father's Day

2008-06-15T10:07:00.004+08:00

I realised Di and I are not very into celebrating any occasions except birthdays and Christmas. We were not excited about Mother's or Father's Day, probably because our own parents didn't think much of these occasions either.

Anyway, its Father's Day today and we've got nothing planned. Just as I celebrated Mother's Day managing the kids & chores (cos it was Ya-Ya's off day), Di will stay at home to help babysit the munchkins while I head down to my sister's place later. Well, its not that I'm as evil as to intentionally make him work hard on Father's day. Our kiddos are down with cold/cough and my sister is doing her confinement, so I can't risk the girls infecting little Natasha, my first niece, who arrived last Saturday.

So I guess Mother's and Father's Day will continue to be quite boring until the munchkins are older? Or maybe it should continue to remain this "low profile" as a family tradition? After all, if you love your parents, the celebration should be an everyday event instead of an annual affair, isn't it? And you don't need throw elaborated luncheons/dinners to show your love for them, right?

On a separate note, I think I'd better remind En & Xuan in future that mommy & daddy won't mind a good lunch/dinner at a fine Japanese restaurant (note: must serve fresh, yummy sashimi) on any other days except Father's & Mother's Day. Hahaha... Just kidding!

Farewell 1... Welcome 2

2008-06-05T12:12:00.002+08:00

Don't be mistaken. The kids are not turning 2 yet. Today is the last day of their 19-month baby-toddler journey. They will turn exactly 20 months old tomorrow.

So why is that different from any other day/month? Well, I kind of label toddlers who are age 20 months and above as BIG kids. Its the same logic as saying you're 19 years old, and everyone goes "Wow, so young!" And then the moment you hit the big 2, people start to see you as an adult. When you finally reach "attained" level 3 (age 30)... you can almost join the Senior Citizen's Club! Hahaha...

Anyway, I suspect by the time the munchkins hits 2 years of age, I'll feel very awkward telling others they are 24, 26, or 30 months old. We'll probably use "years" as an unit of measurement instead. So they'll be 2, followed by 2½, blah, blah, blah... After all, when my sister delivers her baby girl in a few weeks time (I'm so looking forward to that day!), En & Xuan will lose their "Baby" title in the household. So I'd better get them used to being labelled as big kids now. :)

"Jon & Kate Plus 8"

2008-06-04T13:14:00.002+08:00

I'm madly in love with the Gosselin family! Huh? Goose... Who???

Nope, they are not my friends, neighbours or relatives. They are a family of 10 who resides in Central Pennsylvania and are the main cast of a reality TV series entitled "Jon & Kate Plus 8". Check out the series on SCV's channel 70 (Discovery Home & Health) at 5pm daily from Mon-Fri. Alternatively, find out more on www.sixgosselins.com

Why do I love them so? Because Kate is such an amazing woman who is humorous, totally "human"and yet capable of handling a pair of 7 year old twins PLUS a set of 3 year old sextuplets! Not forgetting the tonnes of laundry to be done and having to prepare 3 piping hot meals a day for the entire family.

Okie, yes, she does yell at her kids, sometimes she enters into "switch off" mode, and she may seemed overbearing in certain situations. BUT, I can totally understand those moments because I probably experience only a tenth of her stress daily, yet I feel like admitting myself to an asylum at times. Imagine how much love Kate harbours in her heart when managing her 8 kids. It takes an overflowing fountain of affection to remain "human" at the end of every day. And for that, I bet she prays at least 100 times more than I do a day.

Jon is equally adorable and witty. I see a little bit of him in Di and I'm proud of them both. Both are dedicated fathers who works hard to bring home the bacon, and still try to make time for the kids and family activities.

Well, a mommy of multiples from the SMH forum once said "GOD won't give you multiples unless He knows you CAN handle it". I'm beginning to agree with her. How else can you explain the presence of my very capable and cheerful maid. She must be GOD sent. Hahaha...

5290 Days

2008-06-02T15:21:00.014+08:00

I knew her from the moment I was conceived,
And for the next 20 years where she had lived.

She was tall, fair and a little heavy on the bottom, a result of child bearing.
But her short, well set hairstyle never made her any less feminine.
She was young, yet strong as she braves the tides of life,
A great source of comfort, a wellspring of love I can't deny.
When she was laid to rest in the cold December rain,
I was sad, yet glad she's relieved of all the pain.

There'd be a birthday dinner thrown for her today, had she lived.
I wish for her to be here, for there are so many things she had missed.
She'd be delighted to help babysit En & Xuan;
She'd be walking them every evening, holding their hands.
There are a thousand and one thoughts I'd like to share with her;
I needed her to know how much I love and appreciate her.

Now I look forward to the day we meet in the heavenly places,
Till then, a very Happy 56th Birthday, my mommy, my dearest.

Born - 2 June 1952
Deceased - 8 December 1993
Missed - 5290 days
Remembered - always

The above short poem is written in remembrance of the most important woman of my life; who's fondly remembered till this date by my dad and her 4 princesses - Teng, ah bee, Airene and me.

Self Feed

2008-05-29T15:04:00.002+08:00

Xuan fell asleep on our way home from the mall, so En was left to lunch with Ya Ya and myself once we settled down at home. Ya Ya fed her rice with potatoes, eggs and vegetables and she happily finished her meal. But just when we adults were about to start our fried bee hoon lunch, our little glutton walked over, did a QC inspection on our food, and decided she wants a share too. So we brought out her plastic bowl, a dessert fork and scoop a handful of bee hoon (without the chilli sauce) into it.

En insisted on feeding herself, very unusual for a toddler who has always been given the "princess" treatment. Anyway, self feeding is one of their KPIs I've listed on the routine chart for them, so I decided we'll just let her be.

It was a very amusing sight initially when the bee hoon simply won't remain on the fork by the time the cutlery reaches her mouth. Slowly, but steadily, she managed to put a strand into her mouth, then use her fingers on her left hand to push the noodle in! And she just keep getting better. By the time we were done with our lunch, our little princess had almost got everything in her bowl into her tummy, on her clothes and everywhere within 20cm radius of where she was, which is not too bad considering she's not seated on her high chair but standing at the coffee table.

Well, looks like its high time to get the bib (with a holding pocket) out for meal times. Not forgetting the picnic mat as well. Self feed training will start from today!!!

Holiday

2008-05-28T14:07:00.002+08:00

At last, I confirmed and booked the air tickets for 21 Dec 08 - 5 Jan 09. Covers both Christmas and New Year season perfectly. Sounds like a great holiday package, isn't it? Well, it is. Except the passenger going on board the flight is our maid, Ya Ya, and not us.

Ya Ya's current contract with us is terminating in December. Time flies... Though I hate to admit life's going to be chaotic without her around for 2 weeks plus, I can understand her longing to be home since she hasn't seen her family for coming to 3 years. Being a mother myself, I too feel for her parents. They must miss her dearly.

So while Ya Ya have a good time celebrating the festive period back in Philippines, Di and I are going to toddler-sit the munchkins. Looks like we'll be lugging the munchkins around to parties and gatherings (provided Di muster the courage to do so! Hahaha...) and there'll be days where I'll be holding the fort alone because of Di's work commitment. I pray I'll survive those dreadful days! (God, help me!)

Now here comes the most exciting event of all. We'll be dressing the munchkins in their first sets of school uniform and sending them off to school at the start of the year! Di and I would probably have to hold each one of them by their hand, walk them into their classroom and watch them begin a new chapter of their lives. Hmmm... Just thinking about this makes me a little emotional...

Anyway, its just as well Ya Ya's only returning from her holiday on the 5th. Otherwise, we might conveniently get her, instead of Di, involved in the kiddos first day at school. It'll be really sad for Di to miss out another of the many "firsts " in En & Xuan's life. :)

Ironically, I think I'm starting to look forward to the end of the year! Hey, I can almost hear the jingle bells and taste the yummy log cakes already! Kekeke...

Routine

2008-05-23T16:47:00.002+08:00

I never quite like a routine lifestyle. I prefer one that's more "exciting" with ad hoc "surprises". That's me. Hence, there's one aspect of SAHM-hood which I'll never get used to --- routines!

In the munchkins' first year, many mommies I knew often emphasize on the importance of a routine for their infants or toddlers. It never occur to me why it should be so and honestly, I couldn't be bothered to find out why. My usual response to these mommies would be "Why do you want to organise your life around your kid's schedule? It should be the other way round, isn't it?" As such, whenever we have an appointment and my girls are still napping when its time to go, I'd just put them in my arms and make our way there. Very often, they'd wake up by the time we hit the lift lobby of our flat. Sleepy but happy to be out of the house, they'd normally behave themselves, so I don't see the need for a routine then. Looking back, I count myself very blessed to have breezed through the first year. Or perhaps, I'm already suffering from dementia such that I cannot recall those difficult times in the first 12 months of motherhood. Kekeke... (Oops! I should review my earlier blogs before posting this! Hahaha...)

Over the past 2 months, I began to intensively read up on books on the toddler years because I find myself suffering burnouts and getting stuck in "no win" situation so very often with the munchkins. And guess what? Routine, routine, routine... This word kept appearing pages after pages in one of the books I read, until I decided to seriously give it a try. I have a chart placed on the door to the storage room, so everyone at home have a clear idea what activities are expected for the munchkins throughout the day. So far it was Di who find the routine particularly useful because he now knows exactly what to do for/with the girls on his off days. As for me, I'm trying my best to stick to it, though I still find myself deviating from it time and again. Hee! Old habits die hard!

But I must stressed that post implementation of the chart, the kiddos are napping longer and sleeping better lately. They also seemed a lot happier. It may not be directly due to the routine but its definitely because I can better manage them (and my own expectations) after so much reading. For a person who's not an avid reader, this is an achievement, you know! Hopefully my pea brain can retain those information or I may have to revisit those books again. Darn!

Career Switch

2008-05-17T21:41:00.003+08:00

I've worked for approximately 13 years before I became a full time home maker. Throughout that decade, I did a few career switches and looking back now, I don't regret being in the various fields as those working experience definitely helped made me who I am today.

However, there is a particular field which I'd love to be in, but somehow that "ambition" was never materialised. I guess my circumstances never favoured that "ambition" through those years of career building, so the craving to be in that field was "lost in transit". Then today, yes, just this morning, I was reminded of that "ambition" again. You see, Di took the munchkins and Ya-Ya with him to his parents' place and I had time (and the entire house) to myself, so I started to "catch up" with my thoughts. I thought of what I'd love to do in my golden years, and that led me to rethink my plans for the coming year, which in turn brings to mind that desire for my long lost "ambition".

As usual, I don't think this reminder came as a coincidence. God must have prompted me for I have been wondering what I should or could do as a career come next year when the kiddos go to playgroup. Despite $$$ being very important to ensure our monthly income covers our expenditure, I selfishly hope I can still embark on a career which satisfies my self-actualisation needs even though they don't pay big bucks.

So my dear friends, pray with me for confirmation and assurance. As long as I know this is His plan for me, I would fearlessly take the step of faith and go forth. I need to know, and I know I will know... I just have to walk and wait upon the Lord. And that's the most challenging task for an impatient brat like me. So pleeeeeeease, pray with me and for me! Thanks!

"Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." - Psalm 27:14 (New Living Translation)

2nd Date with Di

2008-05-03T22:43:00.004+08:00

Well, shortly after our recent date at Gelare, I decided to "invite" Di for lunch at Sakae Sushi (not the best but its the nearest!) since I didn't get him anything at all for his birthday. I was thinking we either have a quick lunch while the munchkins nap, or bring one of the twins along.

I SMSed Ling about my plans and to my surprise, she not only volunteered to babysit the girls, she asked if she could bring them (along with Ya-Ya) to the regional library. She had been wanting to get the girls there to explore the library cos she found the decor (a bunch of cute, colourful mushrooms) very attractive, especially for toddlers like En & Xuan.

So there you have it! A fabulous weekend plan for the family. Ling arrived at 10am to "pick" the 3 of them up then head straight for the library. After the "battalion" left, Di read the papers without any rascals pulling away the pages, while I updated my blog. We headed for Sakae Sushi at 11.30am to avoid the lunch crowd. Our craving for sashimi was finally satisfied at a total damage of $66+. We then spend the next hour doing grocery shopping - something we haven't done together in ages!

We would love to have more time to ourselves, but we had to head home. I had arranged a playdate with the mommy of another pair of twins that afternoon. Nevertheless, the 4 hours break was enough for me to feel like we're "newly weds" again. Hahaha... Sorry, kids! I'm not denying your existence. Both En & Xuan are my absolute darlings but daddy has to come first. After all, he's providing for all of us, so we had better treat him well. Kekeke...

So when's our next date, Di?

Elevator

2008-05-03T10:59:00.010+08:00

Yesterday was "Gong Gong" day. Usually, both the munchkins would gladly follow him out for their "free & easy" session while Ya-Ya and I feast on the lunch Gong Gong bought for us. While I have my concerns about Gong Gong's decreasing agility (Come on, he's already 65!) which poses as a challenge since he had to handle 2 tots who has no sense of danger, Gong Gong had proven himself time and again he could manage them for a good 20 minutes at least.

But when I headed for the kitchen to wash my hands after I helped the munchkins put on their shoes, I heard my dad shouting for me frantically from the corridor. In my heart, I was thinking "Did you forget to bring something? Wet wipes? Biscuits? Do you have to shout this loud?" as I brisk-walked to the door.

There at the main door was Xuan, standing alone and looking pretty innocent. Then as I turn to the direction of the lift lobby, I could see Gong Gong shouting my name, staring at the floor indicator and pressing the elevator buttons almost at light speed. And you guessed it! En was nowhere to be found!!!

I rushed to the lift lobby immediately, leaving Ya-Ya to pick up Xuan and ran after me. Gong Gong tried to explain in details how he had left En at the lift lobby while running after Xuan who headed back to our house. And like most toddler horror stories go, he said "I merely looked away for a second and she was gone!".

Horror images started to form in my head and I had to take a deep breath before turning to look at Ya-Ya. I wanted to ask her to standby at the corridor with a phone. I was going to search for En via the stairs and Gong Gong would conduct his search via the elevator. Before I could even vocalise my hunting strategy, the elevator came back up to our floor since Gong Gong had pressed both the up/down buttons. Viola! The elevator door open and princess En walked out quietly, hugging her toddler's Bible close to her chest. Thank God!

She didn't cry. Neither was she freaked out by this incident. Gong Gong and I gave her a big hug to reassure the brave little one. But knowing how timid she'd always been, I thank God no one else had been using the elevator, hence the door did not open on any other floors. As for the brief moment En spent alone in the elevator, none of us will ever find out how she reacted or felt since she's not talking yet. One thing for sure, she must have been praying to God and was comforted by Him. For she walked into the elevator carrying the Bible but emerge hugging it. Praise God!

Here's to share with you a pix of her beloved Bible which comes with a little handle for her to lug around.

Well, we've all been reminded once again that where toddlers are concerned, NEVER take your eyes off them, EVEN if its only for A SECOND. :)

"For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways." - Psalm 91:11 NKJV

Date with Di

2008-04-30T11:51:00.003+08:00

Two nights ago, Di and I decided to go for a date after the munchkins went to bed. Its been a long time since we were able to sneak out on our own. And Di's heavy workload nowadays means we see less of each other cos I'd be in bed by the time he reaches home on some days.

So we had ice cream & smoothies at Gelare while sharing our job frustrations (well, motherhood is a considerably tough job, you know!), discuss possible solutions to the issues we face and realign our visions for our family's future. I strongly believe communication is the key to any relationship. And I'm not talking about any normal conversation. That's just exchanging of words. I'm referring to spending quality time together, listening to each other and sharing. Its nearly impossible for us to do that while the munchkins are awake. Most parents would feel the same, I guess. Kids, toddlers in particular, simply have that magical power to totally transform parents into absolute strangers unless they're napping or in bed at night. Kekeke...

Well, I'm just glad we managed to "catch up" with one another this time. And I certainly look forward to more of such dates. :)

Speech

2008-04-25T17:20:00.006+08:00

Further to my previous post on the munchkins' effort to go independent, I must add that another factor which contributes to the daily frustration is their inability to communicate. Even Di attributed their recent emotional intensity to speech delay. This is probably the only milestone which they've yet to achieve at 18 months. While they are able to signal their needs by pointing and making sounds, or even say words like "come" (when they signal to pets or birds to come to them) or "up" as they climb the stairs, they are still generally babbling throughout the day. In most cases, it is En and Xuan who gets really upset when Ya-Ya and me couldn't deliver their needs and wants.

And although I'm quite OK with them not speaking or even calling me "mommy", I get really pissed off (forgive my language here but I seriously cannot help it) when others show their "concern" over this issue. Especially those "well meaning" neighbours who react in "great horror" as if I said my girls are dumb, or bragged endlessly about their grandchildren who started addressing them "po po" at 14 months. There are times when you feel like replying "Oh, your grandson started talking at 14 months? Does that make him a lawyer?" when I knew exactly the grandson she's referring to is that 16 month old brat yelling at her. But I've decided not to lower myself to their level cos there are so many issues we could argue about. And there are also nosy parkers who won't stop giving uninvited "tips" on how to make the munchkins talk or potty train them. You can imagine how many times I had to hold back remarks like "I can afford disposable diapers, you know? Not just those cheap diapers. We use MamyPoko Pull Up Pants!" @#$%^&*!!!

Okie, let's ignore those EQ-deficient folks and look at the brighter side. I must give my munchkins credit for having more or less achieved all the necessary milestones at 18 months. Their first tooth emerges at the 5th month, they master the act of rolling over at 4 months (En) & 4.5 months (Xuan), sit steadily without support when they turn 6 months, stand without support at 10 months (Xuan) and 11 months (En), followed by their first steps at 11 months (Xuan) and 12.5 months (En). Thereafter, they proceed to run, sorts simple objects by shapes, pick up tiny objects with thumb and index finger, negotiate the stairs, imitates demonstrations, scribbles, stack blocks, etc. Of late, they've also started to self feed using a spoon and even manage to take off an article of clothing (shorts or sleeveless tops).

So, look! So what if they can't talk like the 16 month old brat? At least I can preserve my sanity for a few more months till they start raining questions beginning with "Why, What, Who, When, Where and How" on me. Kekeke...

Terrible Twos?

2008-04-25T11:39:00.007+08:00

I understand most toddlers go through the "terrible twos" phase, but it didn't occur to me I could be right in IT now even though the munchkins are just 18 months old. Every passing day gets more and more challenging for both the munchkins and me as they start to embark on their journey towards independence.

We get caught in so many NO WIN situation daily when the munchkins insist on being independent at performing tasks which they aren't adequately equipped with the skills to do it yet. Its a terrible vicious cycle which goes something like this:

They want to play the 3-D shapes sorter.
I quietly watch them do it, knowing they lack the skills to complete sorting all the shapes.
They get frustrated at their failure to perform, they start to whine.
I try to comfort them and offer my help.
They get upset because I tried to help, so they begin to wail.
I take a step back and watch again, offering only verbal instructions.
They recognise their inadequacy and rage at me for not helping them.
I try to demonstrate how the shapes should be realigned in order to slip it into the box.
They kick and scream as if I had "desecrated' the pieces of shapes.
I retreat to a corner, take a deep breathe and pray if necessary.
They continue to wail.
We take a 2-4 minutes time out.
Things return to normal and they move on to another toy.
The whole cycle starts again...

If this is just a prelude to the "terrible twos" stage, God help me! I cannot imagine being in the actual phase. Otherwise, I pray I'll become amnesic, just like the munchkins.

Allergic Rhinitis

2008-04-22T21:59:00.008+08:00

Brought En to the doctor yesterday as she had been coughing at night and waking up so very often. I assumed it was, you know, just dry cough but the doctor suspect otherwise. He thinks she might have sensitive windpipe, and that upsets me. Well, if you think it just concerns En, think again... She has an identical twin who shares 100% genetic makeup as her. That's what upsets me further. Haiz...

Then, my heart sank as deep as the Titanic when the wordings "Allergic Rhinitis" (AR in short) appeared on her prescribed medication. These may seemed like any normal medical terms but to me, this is a term which had been labelled on my medical records since 1993. In fact, I was once condemned to the "chronic" family and was in specialist care for 6 years. To be told my munchkins (who bears no physical resemblance to me) and I have something as such in common is nothing to rejoice about.

So is it time to stop living in denial and face the music? They are only 18 months old and they have a long way ahead of them. I will not cease to work on improving their health and respiratory system, so they won't follow in my footsteps. Had my parents been more educated about AR when I was younger, my quality of life would have been a lot better. Am I blaming my parents now? NO. They did their best, as I would for my kids. So out I went to get bottles of Eucalyptus concentrate for the air revitalisor which I had newly relocated to their bedroom. Organic cold care chest rub is also on standby every night now. I will not hesitate to take any extra care to prevent the munchkins from being part of the AR herd.

On a separate note, I'm still thankful to God that there are things I could do in this case, and having come this far with my AR condition, I knew exactly what to do with my munchkins'. Praise the Lord they are not suffering from something which I had totally no knowledge about. And I still believe in miracles. After all, they are only 1.5 years old. There is hope for complete healing anytime. Never limit what God can do.

Extract from song "When You Believe" (chorus) :
There can be miracles when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who know what miracle you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe.

Birthday

2008-04-19T22:22:00.013+08:00

Its Di's birthday today. Did we plan a romantic lunch/dinner together? Nope. It was a simple fare at Di's godparents' loft - a sumptuous feast followed by ice cream and yummy durian cake from Angie The Choice. Actually, we agreed to have the mini celebration there so the grandparents could play with kiddos. How romantic, right? Well, when you have 2 active, energised, excited toddlers, you'll be very thankful to just have a decent lunch in peace while the folks and maids entertain the munchkins.

Given a choice, I'd love to have dinner at cozy restaurants (without the kids), prep gifts and surprises for him on his birthday. I won't say its impossible to do so, but I (or rather we) wouldn't want to stress any babysitters, especially when it comes to the munchkins' bedtime. Its a little bit tricky to put them to bed if you don't know their bedtime preference. Hence, we rather stick to the safer options like what we had.

Nevertheless, I had always remind myself not to put the kids' needs above Di. Cos the day will come when the munchkins will marry the man of their dream (I'm "far sighted", aren't I? Hee...) and I may get stuck with a "stranger" if I don't get my priorities right now. Its a challenge, I must admit, and I'm still working on it. But I'm sure we'll be able to get things right in time to come. Perhaps next year, Di. Or maybe my birthday at the end of this year? Kekeke...

Running on Empty

2008-04-11T22:58:00.005+08:00

My patience is running out and my "batteries" doesn't seemed to be working... Well, I know for sure the electricity (God's grace) hasn't been cut off but I suspect its hardware (my pea brain and burned-out heart) failure this time. What to do? The hardware's been put through a series of load tests (eg. sick/cranky toddlers, killing weather, Di working OT often, etc.) recently and its beginning to not respond to standard protocol...

Patience. A very simple 8-letter word. One which many of us are familiar with because God had extend His to us so very often. Why is it so challenging to do the same to others? A very profound question which I couldn't answer (as yet).

For now, the interim solution to this hardware failure episode is application of a new programme which requires loading Psalms 103 from the good old system known as the "Bible". Perhaps executing verse 8-9 thrice a day may do the job until a permanent solution is established?

"The Lord is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever" - Psalms 103:8-9

In addition, musical therapy (practising on the guitar) is expected to help as well. Therefore, so long! Gotta go tune that guitar first... Now where did I place the tuner? And where are my scores? @#$%^&!!!

Zoo

2008-03-27T14:57:00.005+08:00

I actually thought I'd have a lot to write about our 2nd trip to the Singapore Zoo earlier today. Turned out everything went so smoothly, I don't know what to write! Strange...

Well, we left our home at 9:30am and spent about 4 hours in the zoo, including lunch. It was more fun to be there this time because the munchkins can better appreciate the animals and the surroundings. Despite the heat, Xuan is ever so thrill to spot an animal. En, on the other hand, is her usual oh-so-calm and composed, you wonder if she actually notice the animals. Its only when she let out that soft yet firm acknowledgement "um" that we knew she's aware of what all the excitement is about. Ha!

Both kiddos knocked out by 1:30pm just 5 minutes after we embarked on our return journey. They never fail to amaze me how fast they could go into "sleep mode" when we're on outings. Well, I'm contemplating becoming a member of "Friends of the Zoo"... What do you think?

Fallen

2008-03-26T11:39:00.003+08:00

A mommy's nightmare. I witnessed Xuan tumble down the spiral slide at the playground 2 nights ago. Can't helped but kept feeling guilty about it. I was almost certain she's steady enough to climb up those steps and glide down the slide on her own. After all, she's done it many times already.

Anyway, the moment I hold her at the bottom of the spiral slide, I almost wanted to cry myself. Her face was a concoction of tears, saliva, blood, etc. What was I thinking??? She's merely a 17 month old toddler! I felt my heart tumbled right into my stomach at that instance...

Well, she's sustained minor cuts on her lips and bruises on her left leg. Nothing serious and I'm so thankful to God for watching over her. When we went to the playground again the following evening, our dear friend was still as thrilled to see that fateful slide. Guess "severe short term memory lost" is one of those life's lessons we should learn from our kiddos. :)

Rich Yet Broke

2008-03-19T18:18:00.011+08:00

For the past 20 months where I've been unemployed (by choice), finances were never an issue, even after the munchkins arrived. Somehow we just survived. Di's single income has to feed 5 mouths including his own. Well, there was the baby bonus from MCYS which is hardly sufficient to cover the cost of formula milk powder and the kiddos' diapers. But we made it this far by God's grace, and of course with much support from our lovely family members. Where else do you think the branded clothes, shoes and toys for different ages/phases came from? Hee... And not forgetting the fresh groceries my dad and in laws bring along to us whenever they drop by to visit the kiddos. :)

I must stressed that we're financially sound at this moment. However, just last week, that notorious "Insecurity" demon touched down quietly in the tiny, tranquil base of mine, fondly known as the "Heart". Why did I allow this demon to checked in? Its not as though our bank account had hit rock bottom. Di is, in fact, doing very well at his job, we're expecting him to receive a big bonus package this year. So why am I feeling disturbed?

Well, I did a rough calculation and our expected expenditure in 2009 is sky high! I brought the girls to check out My Little Campus, a childcare centre which I plan to enrol them in Jan 2009 (gosh, can you believe they'll be starting Nursery 1 next year?). But even before classes actually commence, we've to fork out a hefty $3K for registration, deposit, uniforms, insurance, etc. Subsequently $1K every month goes to this childcare facility. Then, in order to obtain the baby bonus in the CDA (Child Development Account), we've got to throw in $6K before MCYS would match the savings dollar to dollar. @!#$%^&

And even with the kiddos going to daycare, we're planning to extend Ya-Ya's service for another 2 years, so it all adds up. Plus there is the cost of the various immunisation/vaccination the girls had to be given prior to enrolment. How scary??!!! Erm, I mean the $ amount, not the needles...

I've friends asking if I'm keen to enrol En & Xuan in enrichment classes or even just activities in the kids gym. Well, I won't for 2 reasons. Firstly, the 4 of us (En, Xuan, Ya-Ya and me) already make up a class and a gym, so there's no demand for enrichment classes at the moment. Plus all the playdates we go to (or held at our place) is almost like E.C.A. (extra curriculum activities) in school. Hahaha... Secondly, I may be richly blessed at this moment, I wouldn't want to be deadly broke next. So I shall carefully manage our little pool of finances now until I'm back to work again, hopefully early next year.

Dear Lord, I pray we'll always be richly blessed, never broke. Amen. Kekeke...

Insurrection

2008-03-11T21:07:00.007+08:00

Twins amount to a permanent riot? Then what about 5 pairs of twins confined to a hall of an apartment? Hahaha... Its called an insurrection, according to Mark Twain, author of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

Well, last Thursday, I brought En & Xuan to a playdate involving 4 other pairs of twins. The kiddos range from 9.5 months to 17 months old, meaning En & Xuan are the oldest among the lot cos they both turned exactly 17 months that day! The entire event was a little chaotic but outrageously fun! And I think we'll do it again soon. Kekeke...

Check out the pix below!

The kiddos (clockwise from bottom pf pix):
Xuan, Cayley, Yazmin, Danial (back facing), Reyden, Reyes, Austin (blocked by his mommy), En (far back in pink), Sheau Min and Sheau Kai (blocked by his granny).

Like what you see above? Think twins are fun? Well, think again... Triplets or quads can be entertaining too! Hahaha! Just kidding!!!

"Sufficient unto the day is one baby. As long as you're in your right mind, don't pray for twins. twins amount to a permanent riot. And there are no real difference between having triplets and an insurrection." - Mark Twain (1879)

Breathe My Last?

2008-03-03T12:05:00.009+08:00

A very bad Monday morning to start the week off. Xuan woke up crying at 5:30am. Ya-Ya was unable to pacify her, so I carried her out of her bedroom. Well, she did quiet down upon hearing my voice and that was great consolation. I left her to play on her own after Ya-Ya refreshes herself and keep watch over her.

At 7:30am, I got off the bed, refreshes myself to start my "official" duties. Its almost the same routine everyday, 7 days a week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year. The kiddos and Ya-Ya would have had their breakfast by now. So I'll proceed to have a bite and watch CNA while keeping an eye on the kiddos. Ya-Ya showers them around 8:30am (I'll do it occasionally) and they'll get their morning milk feed by 9-9:30am, after which Ya-Ya will take care of the household chores while I toddler-sit. But you know what? Once the munchkins' tummies are filled, that's when they gather enough energy to RR&R, aka run around the house, ransack every corner and ruin my day...

Until 11:30am this morning, both of them were fighting over the same book, the same pen, the same stool when there were many other (and better) alternatives available. They were also getting on my nerves by squeezing themselves through tiny paths between the couch and the window, then finding themselves stuck behind the standing lamp next to the couch and couldn't figure their way out. @!#$%^&* To make it worse, on and off, when En shows signs of sleepiness, I'd just go with the flow and gave her a little pat to help her drift off to sleep. Then midway, our dear little Xuan would drop something with a loud bang, release a laughter or chuckle right at En's face!!! With that, En becomes wide awake and the cycle starts all over again...

I had to take countless deep breaths. No point adding on to the tension by yelling at them, I'd reasoned to myself. I'd ignore them by reading magazines. It worked for a while cos they'd quiet down when no one's giving them any attention. But soon enough, they'll venture into other annoying acts which were capable of driving me insane. I even had to urge to strangle Sesame Street's Elmo whose usually cute voice sounded extremely irritating this morning amidst the chaos.

For a while, I thought I'm going to breathe my last. I could almost see myself six feet underground. I thank God for giving me life and life more "abundantly"!!! Why, God, why??? Why me??? Why twins? Why not a singleton? Such irony!

For my female comrades out there who are desperately trying to conceive, I know you'll be cursing and swearing at me as you read the above. But trust me, you'll feel the same too if you had been in my shoes! Allow me to ventilate, at least for now, for I may not have another chance to do so. Who knows when I'll seriously breathe my last? But then seriously, I know that day will not arrive so soon. At least not today, tomorrow, another week, another month or another year to come. I suppose my Lord wouldn't want me Home so soon for I, too, am capable of annoying Him as such as my kiddos annoy me. Hahaha...

"... I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." - John 10:10 NKJV

Fever

2008-02-24T12:04:00.003+08:00

En's fever started on 15 Feb. And she's still running a temperature on/off even as I'm typing now. From my record, there were 11 times when her body temperature rise above 38 °C, of which 4 were above 39°C.

For the past week, I was sleepless despite being mentally drained and physically exhausted. This is especially so whenever I measures her temperature in the wee hours of the morning and it doesn't look good. Her temperature rises each time her medication wears off. I nearly broke down one morning when the Braun ThermoScan displays a cruel reading of 39.3°C.

I'm overwhelmed with guilt and heartache. There's a mental tug of war going on in that pea brain of mine. What if her brain gets "cooked" if I don't send her to hospital now? But what if she's OK yet I chose to send her to the hospital,; and she ended having IV needles inserted through her tiny veins, gets terrorised by nursing staff who'll inject antibiotics into her every 4 hours, blah, blah, blah... But then again, if I don't send her now, then... ??? And the struggle goes on... The reality of motherhood, I guess. :(

In the midst of all the chaos, I remember my mom whom I had never thank her for her unfailing love and care for me when I was a child. Among my siblings, I'm most guilty of putting that frown on her face when I suffered injuries here and there when I was young. I don't know how much it must have pained her heart to see me get hurt. Only memories of her telling me off for being so careless. Looking back, those must be words of love and concern.

And mom's right. She used to say "You'll understand how a parent feel when you become one." And I'd say better not become one if you're "not prepared" to understand how tough parenting is. Well, gotta go now. Time to take another temperature reading on En.

Gathering

2008-02-14T18:11:00.006+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day! Its been quite a while since my last posting. Time is a luxury to me nowadays as I spent 90% of my time interacting, playing with and of course, disciplining the kids. Whatever's left is only enough for a refreshing shower or coffee break. Sigh...

The Lunar New Year came and gone... Or at least the crucial first few days, so to speak. To be precise, the lunar new year last a good 15 days which means the last day of this festive season would be exactly a week from now. Di, myself, the girls and their Ya-Ya were exhausted after 4 full days of travelling around the island to gather with family and friends, while last Sunday was spent entertaining relatives who visited our loft in the morning followed by lunch and dinner gathering at our place with 2 different groups of friends. I thought my joints were giving way by the end of the day. Kekeke...

But just last night, I had a dinner gathering with 2 pals whom I have known for at least 2 decades. It felt just like yesterday when we were secondary school students, but yet so different. Well, apart from physical changes, all our personality very much remained the same. Ly's still the same outrageously witty, loud and expressively gal, though deep down, she's possessed by a spirit of sorrow & melancholy. De still looks good as if he never aged since 20 years back. He's got a mind so complex; I think his intelligence is way beyond my ability to comprehend. Hahaha... But he too, is possessed. By Casper, the friendly ghost! He's like a wondering spirit who simply cannot settle down! And I wonder if he ever will. :)

So the 3 musketeers spend the night at the good, old Holland Village dining, chatting, drinking and indulging... in food, coffee, ice-cream and fond memories. The same place, the same people, but yet, it was no longer the same. I couldn't pen (type, in this case) my thoughts & feelings about last night because they were beyond words. And if I really have to, I think its going to take days to materialise. So I'd rather hide them in a little corner of my heart, and perhaps when I turn demented one day, I'll be able to verbalise the episode. Hopefully, I'll have an audience then. *Fingers crossed*

'Tis the Season to be "Sleepy"

2008-01-22T22:43:00.000+08:00

Christmas and the New Year went by and before we know it, we're just a mere 16 days away from the Lunar Chinese New Year! Amidst the festive preparation (actually its just spring cleaning the house and shopping for new clothes), the tooth fairy and flu bug caught up with En and Xuan respectively. 6 emerging teeth and an ever runny nose, my gosh!!! So there goes my festive mood again...

When a child is not well, everyone around him/her gets busy attending to his/her needs. When you have twins or multiples, its more like engaging in a guerrilla warfare when the kids are unwell at the same time. Surprise raids take place once every 30 minutes after midnight. And that ear piercing, screeching sound of your teething toddler wailing "out of the blue" just makes you want to duck under your blanket forever.

Sleep deprivation is driving me insane. Forget new clothes, grooming, visitation plans, gatherings, etc. All I want for this festive season is my 2 hours of sleep...

New year... new life?

2008-01-01T11:58:00.000+08:00

Had a good time watching fireworks set off from across the straits of Johor last night (or rather, early this morning). And yes, not forgetting the beautiful honking sound from the ships berthing in nearby shipyards or sailing along the straits. This is the one thing that has never change (ever since we moved into this new apartment in 2005) when the clock strikes twelve, ushering in a brand new year. I just love that quiet "commotion" as the chilly breeze brushes across my cheeks in the first moments of 1 January.

Going to bed, I prayed that life would be more exciting and enriching in 2008. And boy! I was right! 4 hours later at 4:05am, my dear En started getting whiny in the wee hours. The culprit - her emerging molars. Oh, how I hate infant teething!!! While Ya-Ya tries her best to pacify En, Di and I head to the kids' room to ensure Xuan is not affected by the scene. Thank God Xuan managed to return to dreamland unassisted.

En, on the other hand, just couldn't settle down. I went up to the cranky gal who is obviously tired. Ya-Ya had to keep changing position when cradling her, but failed miserably. "En, mommy's here. Try to orh-orh, ya?" Upon hearing my voice, she quiet down... 30 seconds later, her whining starts again. I signal to Ya-Ya to pass the poor gal to me. As usual, in my "half-dead" (sleepy) mode, I started singing nursery rhymes, followed by hymns & choruses when my "engine" (vocal chords) warms up. A good 10 minutes later, En knocked out. What a great relieve for Ya-Ya, Di and I. ^.^

But our joy was short lived. En woke up again at 5:55am. We reckoned the discomfort or pain from her emerging molars must be rather unbearable. Paracetamol was administered, and the gal was smiley at last. But the first ray of sunlight had also emerged by the time things settled down. With that, we said "Hola" to new year's day.

New life in a new year? Nah... Looks like things will pretty much remain the same for now. But we sure look forward to more challenges ahead. And for me, personally, I hope to be able to say of the same as Rick Warren in his "Call to Radical Commitment".

"When times get tough, and I get tired, I won't back up, back off, back down, back out, or backslide. I'll just keep moving forward by God's grace. ...

... To my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I say: However, whenever, wherever, and whatever you ask me to do, my answer in advance is yes! Wherever you lead and whatever the cost, I'm ready. Anytime. Anywhere. Anyway.

Whatever it takes Lord; whatever it takes!"

Blessed 2008

2007-12-31T11:10:00.001+08:00

Every year, on this very last day of the year, three words will automatically pop up in my mind - New Year Resolution. Do I have one? Do I need one? I think my resolution for the new year is probably to be "resolute about not having a resolution". Kekeke...

To be honest, I really don't think I can keep to any resolution with my current 24/7 stay-at-home-mom status. The munchkins are developing at such speedy pace, I can hardly keep with them, let alone resolutions. Sometimes I seriously doubt my ability to nurture them, given my impatience. But then again, I know I shouldn't think or feel this way. After all, there's a saying which goes "You're not what you think you are, but what you think, you are." Did you get that? So I think my goal in the coming year is to think more godly thoughts, keep my spirit alive and see the fruits developed in me and my loved ones' lives.

For a closure to the year, here's a greeting from En & Xuan, wishing everyone a blessed 2008. God bless!

Reminiscence

2007-11-28T11:57:00.000+08:00

I attended my secondary school's symphony band's 40th anniversary concert last night with much anticipation. Oh yes, I was once a member of a symphony band. I know, I know... Some of you just couldn't believe it, right? One of my girlfriends rang me on my mobile when I was sipping coffee at the IKEA Cafe prior to the concert. When I told her I'm going for the concert to support my peers from the alumni band, she went "You were from the band? You mean you can play a musical instrument apart from the guitar?"

Haiz... "Do I really look that 'uncultured' to you?" I asked. She burst into laughter and explained that back in Hong Kong (she's a Hong Konger), being able to play a musical instrument is quite a luxury during her school days. Not many schools could afford to have a band as an extra curriculum activity in the first place. Hence, she's surprised we (Singaporeans) had such privileged lifestyle.

Yes, I was indeed a privileged teenager. But apart from feeling grateful I had the chance to get involved in music (I was a percussionist), I was also thankful for the discipline I received in the uniform group as well as the opportunity to "get wild" during those days. Midway through the concert, my mind was filled with reminiscences of past gaiety. Lyn, my girlfriend for the past 22 years and team mate in the band, laughed so loudly when the slide show on "40 years of the symphony band" was shown. Indeed, we couldn't believe we looked so silly then in our uniform. Yet, we can't helped but missed those good, old days. We almost cried when a photograph of the band taken with the then president Dr Wee Kim Wee at the Istana was flashed. We were in it!!! Oh, memories of those youthful days just kept pouring in! In addition, every piece of music played never fail to trigger that sweet longing for those fun filled days. Looking at Lyn, I knew she felt the same - we were swept down memory lane...

We sneaked to the backstage during the interval in search of our "past". There, we found our dearest band instructor (whom we guess is at least 80 years old now), our crazy seniors and some other familiar faces. Photographs were taken and everyone spoke like that was our last meeting. Well, you never know...

Now, I can't help but wonder how I'd feel next month at a monologue held at Jubilee Hall. CK, the lead cast (or rather, the only cast) is my friend of 28 years!!! Well, in case you're wondering, I'm not that old. I just happened to have him as a playmate when I was in primary one and we had stayed as friends since then. Come to think of it, both Lyn and CK were never my classmates. We were just school mates and remained as friends from then. Are we all predestined to be friends for life or what??? Nah... More likely a result of my PR skills being developed and tested at a tender age. Hahaha...

My Calling Revealed?

2007-11-26T11:06:00.000+08:00

A few days after I prayed about my calling, I received an email from a friend whom I've not met for the past 15-16 months. In fact, we've only met about 5 times at our antenatal class before we both delivered our kiddos in 2006. We hit off quite well at the class then and had been exchanging photos of our girls via email for a while.

Now, her email to me speaks of her dream to venture into a business and she wants to find out if I'm interested to be part of her dream project. Well, we seemed like a perfect combi cos she's got a creative mind whereas I'm a management person. Sounds balance, right? Not that I've got no creativity, but I've seen her works. She's got an honours degree in Creative Arts and I can only say she's really gifted! Moreover, I do get great satisfaction from managing projects and logistics stuff. That's what I've been doing for more than a decade. Oops! Decade??? I'm not really that old... seriously, I'm not...

Okie, now what??? That email got me all excited for days. I had to control myself from replying her too soon for fear that I'd be carried too far with all the excitement, thus forgetting to do a "sanity" check with the Lord. I need to know if this is for me! And if it isn't, I'm not going to ruin a friend's dream by pulling out halfway later on. So for now, we've agreed that we'll both spend more time praying about this little project before committing ourselves to it. If you're with me, please pray for me as well... Dear Lord, ... :)

Called to OR Caught in?

2007-11-16T15:27:00.000+08:00

"Are you full time at home?" This is a pretty common question (apart from the "Are they twins?" question) which I'm most often being asked when I bring the munchkins to the nearby malls, mini marts, playground or park. I realised I get questions like that when I do so on a weekday during office hours, which most full-time working mothers wouldn't have the luxury of time.

Yes, I'm a SAHM ("Stay At Home Mom" in short). Its the 4-letter word which brings much joy to my life and yet causes me to grip with fear at times. "How long more can I remain a SAHM?" Its not a question of time. They key word in that question is can. Yes, can. You may ask "Why can't you?". Well, I've asked myself that same question many times... There are many female friends out there who are are envious of me. They wished they could be SAHM so they could spend more time with their kids, go shopping downtown on weekdays when the crowd is more manageable, take care of the house while their hubby brings home the bacon, etc.

Isn't life more than just that? Is SAHM my calling? If I'm indeed called to be a full time home maker, I pray that God will show me a sign. A sign so obvious that I'll be convinced enough to stop dreaming of getting my butt out to the field from now on. But if for some reasons I had to be caught in this situation where I have to stay where I am until God's better plan for me is revealed, I pray I'll have the patience to wait upon the LORD.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining here. I just long for a different level of job satisfaction and of course, financial independence. Not that my hubby doesn't provide enough for me to spend. But I'd certainly enjoy being able to buy that Baby Gap outfit or Jack & Lily shoes for the munchkins without getting that look on Di's face which translates into "Do you have to spend this much on the girls? They'll outgrow them in no time." Sigh... For those of you who agree with Di, you missed out one of the most enjoyable experience of being a parent. Its perfectly alright to splurge on your kids (and yourself) once in a while, and certainly more wonderful when you are able to pay out of your own pocket. It means you are "able" to provide for your loved ones (by God's grace, of course).

So, pray with me, my friends! For directions and signs... and perhaps "peace of mind" should the LORD willed that I have to remain a SAHM and keep my hands off those alluring outfits at the Gap stores. *wink*

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
And whose hope is the LORD.
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes;
But her leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit." - Jeremiah 17:7-8 (NKJV)